Ground Rules
by Naomilyloveless
Summary: Callie and Arizona embark in a casual, no strings attached relationship... but things are never really that simple; are they?  Changed to M just in case
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Okay, I'm very aware that the worst thing I could do is start yet another story while I have another 3 unfinished; but I'm suffering from a slight bout of writer's block where some are concerned and I had this idea and just needed to write _something _and I'm hoping by doing so it'll get the cogs in my brain turning. This didn't come out _exactly _like I'd hoped but you guys are the judge so, I hope you can give it a chance and, if you have time, let me know what you think?**

* * *

"Hi" She smiled sleepily as she began to stir from her slumber.

"Hi yourself." I whispered back, running my eyes down the length of her perfect body; which was covered only by the light bed sheet and illuminated slightly by the rays of sun that peaked through the window signalling morning's arrival.

She pulled the heavier duvet over and around her and snuggled her face deeper into the pillows; It was rather cute.

I lay; staring at the ceiling, enjoying the comfortable, sleepy silence and allowed my mind to drift back to the previous night.

"_I don't know you, at all." _

_Erica's departing words; leaving me standing alone in the hospital carpark. My legs refusing to move after her, my vocal cords in cahoots. I could do nothing more than stand there and watch her leave._

I rolled onto my side, elevating my upper body and balancing myself with my hand, I stared at the blonde haired beauty in front of me and smirked.

"_There will be people lining up for you." I smiled broadly at her attempts at cheering me up, leaning against the bathroom sink for support after one too many tequilas. _

"_Arizona, you're drunk." I couldn't help but chuckle at her. _

_My colleagues refused to let me go home and wallow in self pity, insisting on getting me drunk instead. Luckily none of us were on call tonight._

"_So are you!" She defended in a playful tone, throwing me one of her infamous, dimpled grins._

_The air around us grew suddenly thick with an odd tension. We fell silent; neither understanding it. Without warning, she closed the space between us and encased my lips in her own. It took a moment for me to register what was happening before responding with force. _

The rest of the night was a wonderful blur. Not in the, _I can't remember because I was so drunk_, sense, but in the, _the sex was amazing and the world around us disappeared_, sense. She had helped me forget my pain. And I felt comfortable with her.

Arizona had moved to Seattle a little over a year ago and we had developed a quick friendship; we got along well and always enjoyed playful banter and harmless flirting, but that's all it was. I was with Erica and she was busy sealing her reputation as a gold star lesbian. We had an obvious attraction, but we never looked at each other in a romantic way.

"What?" She asked self-consciously, looking up at me in amusement and breaking me from my thoughts.

"Nothing… just thinking about last night."

"Crazy right?" She chortled.

"Completely." I nodded in agreement. "Buuut, pretty-"

"Amazing." She finished for me.

We both laugh and turned our attention to the ceiling. Composing myself, I spoke again; sincerely.

"Thank you."

"Anytime." She nudged and I could hear the suggestive smile in voice.

We stared at each other for a moment longer, lost in some unspoken sense of gratitude.

**BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.**

"You have rounds in 20." Cristina shouted from the other side of the door.

My roommate was an over eager, scalpel hungry, vulture of a resident but we got along unexpectedly well. I often joked that I was the ying to her yang, a joke she never found funny. But it was her eagerness that saved me the trouble of remembering to turn my alarm clock on most nights (well, that and the incessant beeping noise that frequently erupted from my pager at all hours).

Sighing heavily I moved to address Arizona who had subtly removed herself from the bed and began dressing. Instead of speaking, I mimicked her behaviour; the still comfortable silence falling around us, only broken as we made for the bedroom door.

"So…" I began, not sure what exactly was appropriate to say, "I had fun last night."

"Me too." She smiled her glorious dimpled smile. She leaned up and placed a delicate kiss on my cheek.

"I'll see you at work Torres. Bye Yang." She called nonchalantly as she made her way across the living room to the door, receiving only a half entertained glance from Cristina, who raised her eyebrows in my direction.

"Quick work."

* * *

I was less than surprised by the lack of Erica's presence at work; her departure had seemed rather final, but that didn't stop me from taking frequent detours through the cardio ward; every time, leaving a little less deflated that the time before.

"So; you're not as dark and frowny as I was expecting." Mark observed, taking a large bite from his apple as we took our seats in the cafeteria.

"That's because she's too busy getting her freak on with roller girl." Cristina chimed in in a sing song like fashion on her way to the table of residents.

Mark turned his attention back to me, a large, satisfied grin sprawled across his features.

"You and Robbins?"

He didn't need vocal confirmation from me, the blush that had risen in my cheeks seemed to suffice.

"That's what I'm talkin' about! Right back on the horse! Good for you Torres!" He continued to sing my praises but I was distracted my the buzzing of my pager.

"Uh- I gotta go." I rose and exited the lunchroom without further explanation.

* * *

Within five minutes I was wandering the halls of PEDs in search of the 911 I had received; but there was no chaos, no running nurses or cries of panic from desperate parents. In fact, there was an almost an uneasy calm about the place; which was rare; there was hardly ever a dull moment in pediatrics.

I took my cell phone from my coat pocket with the intention of locating the fibbing blonde that had called me from one of my few spare moments of the day and giving her an earful, when suddenly, a soft hand grabbed my own and pulled me hastily into a nearby on-call room, slamming me roughly against the now closed door.

Cherry flavoured lips were on mine in an instant. Hurried hands tangled in my hair. I didn't need to open my eyes for validation of my ambusher, the sensations were recently familiar.

I ran my hands up and down her magnificent body in a frenzy of passion, desperate for skin on skin contact, silently cursing the offensive garments which were preventing it before attempting to remove them, rejoicing at the sensation of feeling her warm flesh against mine. We moved towards the bottom bunk of closest bed, never breaking contact, wasting no time exploring each other, teasing, tasting.

It was rushed, unromantic; but, _fantastic_.

I grinned smugly to myself as we began to make ourselves presentable.

"This is fun." I stated casually, as though this wasn't a completely outrageous and unexpected occurrence.

"Very much so." I was beginning to really like this new, bolder side of Arizona I was seeing. It was _hot._

When we had done a final once over in the tiny mirror of the on call room, I turned to her, inexplicably nervous.

"Do you, maybe, wanna do this again sometime?" I wasn't necessarily asking her on a date and I hoped she wouldn't take offence that I was basically enquiring if she'd have sex with me at another stage.

"Really?" She questioned; her voice unreadable. She didn't seem angry or insulted; she sounded curious, in fact, I almost swore I heard a twinge of excitement in her tone.

I nodded.

"You really wanna do this?" Yeah, definitely excitement. Disbelieving excitement. "Just sex? Nothing serious?"

In all honesty I hadn't given it much thought; it was a spur of the moment word vomit type situation. Stopping to consider I concluded that I was rebounding and this didn't seem like a half bad deal.

"Why not!" I verified cheerfully.

"There'd have to be ground rules." She continued with caution, no doubt at my slightly confused look. "No feelings. This is just about the sex. I can't afford to, nor do I have any interest in getting involved with anyone right now; so feelings can't happen!"

"I agree." I stated with affirmation.

"And no jealousy!"

"Here here." I cheered teasingly.

She searched my face, presumably inspecting to see if she'd catch a hint of hesitation; seemingly satisfied, she threw me yet another giant, dimpled smile. "Okay then."

"Okay then."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Can I just say, WOW! 28 reviews for the _FIRST _chapter! That is beyond anything I had expected!You have no idea how happy you guys have made me! I only hope I can repay the favour! It really gave me the push to update as soon as possible! ... So, I toyed with a few ideas for this chapter but in the long run I decided to keep somewhat of a steady pace with this story, so I went with this. I hope you guys like it!

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I gripped tightly to the soft bed sheets as her skilled tongue made it's way feverishly down my body, leaving behind a burning trail of desire. My hips arched as she neared her destination, releasing a strangled groan at her teasing, her payback for my earlier antics. Aching for contact where I needed her most,

I could feel her smile against my thigh at the reactions she was invoking in me. Decidedly putting me out of my torture, she moved herself, slipping her tongue into my heated core; my hips bucked against her in response and she let out an audible yet muffled moan.

Just as we began reaching our stride; pelvis and tongue moving in sync; she removed her tongue and kissed her way agonisingly slowly back up my body, capturing my lips in her own as I was about to protest the loss of contact and plunged two fingers into me.

It was a sensation I was becoming familiar with, in the best sense of the word; a feeling I could never tire of; a feeling that made me writhe uncontrollably beneath her. I thrust my hips upwards against her hand as she pushed her talented fingers deep into my soaking core. She felt _so _good. I grabbed a handful of her blonde hair and pulled her even closer to me, deepening the kiss as much as possible.

I gasped as she switched her weight so that she could pump deeper and faster into me. I could feel the pressure building, ready to erupt. She pulled her lips away from mine, her beautiful blue eyes burning into my soul as she sensed how close I was, a mischievous grin playing across her features. She lowered herself once again, her tongue partnering with her splendid fingers, throwing me over the edge. I closed around her, my body convulsing as I gave way to the mindblowing orgasm that rippled through me.

She removed her hand and pulled herself up the bed, collapsing next to me.

"Wow." Was the only coherent word I managed to form.

"Yeah." She added, through heavy, ragged breaths. "Wow."

* * *

"Someone looks like they got some _special _attention from a certain perky attending." Mark sang as he joined me at the nurses station, clearly commenting on the subconscious smirk that danced on my face as I flicked through a chart. I threw him a daggered glare which he reciprocated with a cheeky wink.

I moved closer to him, stealing a sideways glance in each direction for prying ears.

"I told you not to say anything around the hospital." I hissed at him, nodding my head in the direction of a nurse on the opposite side of the station. "We don't want everyone around here knowing our business."

He raised his hands in mock defence. "Okay, okay; I'll be more careful with your _sexy _secret."

I pushed him playfully, unable to ever stay truly mad at him.

"So, how's things going with you two?" He questioned as we made our way down the hall to the attending's lounge.

"Good. _Really _good."

"So this arrangement of yours still standing strong?" His tone seemed slightly sceptical, knowing from my past behaviour, it was rare I chose to remain detached and intimate at the same time.

"Looks that way doesn't it." I didn't want to divulge any more information. Technically it was; nothing had changed, but I did feel the connection between myself and Arizona was building; it was no longer a case of a simple booty call; we sat and talked for hours on end over take out, watched movies afterward, listened to music. It wasn't a relationship, I knew that, but it felt like something was progressing. I didn't want to rock the boat of our arrangement by bringing up the subject but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to her thoughts on the matter; after all, it had been a month, things change.

* * *

I called Arizona at the end of my shift, it was her day off and I hadn't seen her since our fumble before she left the hospital in the early hours.

"Hello?" A nasally, blocked up voice answered.

"Arizona? Are you ok?" She certainly didn't sound like herself.

"Yeah." Came the choked response. "I think I may have caught the bug that's been going around PEDs. Sorry, but I'm not really feeling up for tonight."

"Of course, no problem. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I'll be fine, thanks, I'll just-" Her sentence was cut short by a sudden coughing fit, my heart sank a little at the thought of her sick and alone. She didn't have a roommate; not that Cristina was ever very helpful or sympathetic when I got sick, in fact, she mostly just got cranky and claimed I was a whimp that didn't have the balls to go out and get a _real _illness, but she did bring an endless supply of hot liquids on request, and I hated the thought of Arizona having to tend to herself when she was feeling miserable.

"I'm coming over." I insisted with defiance. She was too under the weather to put up much resistance anyway, so it was settled.

* * *

I arrived at Arizona's door carrying a thermos of hot chicken soup I picked up from the restaurant near the hospital, knocking lightly in case she was sleeping. She wasn't. She answered in moments, wrapped like a caterpillar in her giant, lime green duvet, her usually well groomed hair in a hazardous state of messy curls, her nose was bright red and her ocean blue eyes watery and puffy; but she was still more beautiful than most.

"I brought soup." I shook the flask in front of her lightly, she attempted a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes and was disrupted by a sneeze. "Go lie down, I'll bring it in to you."

Without a word she did as she was told and I made my way to the kitchen. Pouring the soup into a bowel and fixing her a cup of tea, I couldn't prevent a smile from forming at the domesticity of the situation.

I reached her bedroom to find her sitting upright on the bed, the duvet covering every inch of her apart from her face, she looked so tiny, so cute. She accepted the soup and tea with eager gratitude.

"Thank you." She croaked.

We sat in silence watching re-runs of Desperate Housewives until Arizona dozed off. I watched her for a few minutes; even in her distressed looking state she was miraculous. I struggled to understand how I had never noticed it before. All the times we spent together in the past year, I acknowledged she was attractive, but now I saw her in a whole new light. It was as though I was seeing her for the very first time, _really _seeing her. I toyed with the idea of staying the night, but that was territory we had not yet entered and I didn't want to freak her out; so I quietly removed myself from the bed, praying not to disturb her, picked the spare blanket off the floor and lay it delicately over her, placing a gentle kiss on her temple, I exited her apartment reluctantly. I knew it was the right decision but it pained me to leave her.

Shaking my head to snap myself out of reverie, I reminded myself that this wasn't supposed to happen, we agreed, _no feelings_.

Clearly I was just feeling compassionate about her health, I wouldn't like to see any of my friends sick, that must me it. I knew it wasn't but maybe if I kept lying to myself, eventually, I might start believing it.

No romantic feelings.

_Easier said than done._


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: All your reviews get me genuinely excited about this story! A few people mentioned wanting to see Arizona's POV so, here you go! ;) This chapter basically is plot developer so I hope you guys still enjoy it :) All comments are, as usual, very welcome and appreciated :)**

* * *

A broad smile spread across my face as I read the suggestive text that was waiting for me on my cell phone in the attending's locker room.

"Let me guess…" My best friend's voice snapped me back to reality.

"Woa- Teddy! You scared the crap outta me!" I scolded.

She rolled her eyes at my dramatics before continuing. "Okay, spill."

"Excuse me?" I feigned ignorance.

"You and Callie. What's the deal?"

"I've already told you-"

"I know what you've_ told _me, but come on Arizona, it's been over a month and you can hardly keep the smile off your face. Are we developing _feelings?_" She teased.

"Wha- No. _No._" I insisted which earned me a disbelieving eyebrow raise. "Callie and I; it's… it's casual. Nothing's changed."

"Why not? _Clearly _you two like each other; what are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid!" I defended quickly. "I just… don't want a relationship right now. I can't afford distractions. _Distracted _people don't win Carter Madison grants."

Teddy's eyes widened with shock. "You won a _Carter Madison _grant?"

The wide grin returned to my face as I nodded with enthusiastic excitement. "I found out this morning."

I was taken aback by the sudden loss of personal space as Teddy ran across the room and encased me in a bone crushing hug.

"Oh my god! Arizona! That's fantastic! Congratulations!" My friend's vivacity only contributed to further elevating my mood. "Nobody wins those; I mean, nobody normal! Just sort of those brainy, scientist types who are from Germany and Sweden. Oh my god you _won_!" She finished with a squeal.

"Yeah; but thing is, I don't want to tell people just yet. There's a lot of paperwork and formalities to go through still, so I'd rather just keep it between us and the Chief for now okay?"

"Sure. Yeah, okay. This is _incredible_ Arizona! I'm so happy for you." She pulled me into yet another hug, this one disrupted by a buzzing pager; thankfully, not mine. Pulling away, she smiled wildly at me, mirroring my early expression as she backed towards the door. "We have to celebrate! Drinks? Tonight. Joe's. Ten o clock!"

"It's a date." I threw her my brightest dimpled grin, before gathering my things together and setting off for Callie's apartment.

* * *

It was just after seven when Callie pulled the door of her apartment open, wearing only, red, lacy lingerie and a smile.

I felt the desire pool between my legs. There was no time for words. I entered the apartment, crashing my lips against hers, pushing her back towards her bedroom, discarding every piece of fabric that acted as a force field between us along the way, never breaking contact. She growled lustfully into the kiss as her legs collided with the bed and we flopped backwards. For the first time; I drew away from our embrace, straddling her, scanning my eyes the length of her body, savouring the beauty of her naked form. My heart pounded heavily in my chest when I noticed how wet she was, encouraging me further. I leaned down and began kissing the length of her body, paying a little extra attention to her breasts, kissing, sucking, nibbling. She gasped and moaned, her body quivering at my touch, each of her reactions driving me wild. I moved down her body kissing my way up her thigh which caused her to push her hips towards me, silently begging me for contact where she wanted it most. I paused, hovering over her heated centre; close enough for my breath to dance over and lightly stimulate her aroused core, but far enough away to prolong the teasing.

"Arizonaaaa…" She pleaded in a ragged, almost inaudible whisper, laced with desire.

Deciding to put her out of her misery, I glided my tongue through her soaking folds, flicking it lightly over her clit, then replaced it with two fingers, pumping slowly at first, building up momentum.

"Mmmmmm." Her groans of pleasure spurred me on, increasing my pace. She pulled my face up to hers, kissing me fiercely. She raked her fingers through my hair, clamping them tightly on my shoulder blades, dragging me as close as possible. Her breathing grew ever more strangled as I pushed harder into her until she jerked against me, her body convulsing almost violently. I kept my hand in place, riding out her orgasm with her, capturing her lips once again just before a satisfied moan escaped her mouth.

I extracted my fingers and rolled over so that my body lay next to her. She attempted to speak but words seemed to fail her, the lack of oxygen not helping.

She looked at me, her eyes conveying every unspoken word, every ounce of gratitude. I was on such a high today I never wanted it to end.

Normally, I would have allowed her time to compose herself, give her a few minute breather, but not today, today I needed contact, I needed this rush to continue. Raising my hand to my lips, I placed the two fingers that still glistened with her juices into my mouth. That was all she needed; her eyes darkened immediately with lust and she was on me, pushing stray strands of hair off my face, kissing me deeply, frantically; playfully skimming her fingers over my most sensitive nerve endings; setting me on fire. She broke the embrace, gliding her tongue down my body, leaving a burning trail on my skin, before plunging her head between my legs, sucking on my swollen clitoris. Her tongue worked a skilled rhythm that made me writhe beneath her. It didn't take long, but I was close; I could feel the tension build within me. She broke her precise rhythm, dragging her tongue through my wetness with broad strokes. The surge of satisfaction was near it's peak, I squirmed underneath her, widening my legs to give her full access as I felt my walls tighten. She increased her pressure, tripping me over the edge, holding on as my body spasmed with aftershocks of pleasure.

"That. Was…" I hissed, my ragged breaths matching hers.

"Yeah." She agreed.

We lay in silence for what felt like an eternity, neither feeling the need to break it, before succumbing to the customary after sex slumber.

* * *

I woke when I felt her stir. Enjoying the lazy moment before jolting upright.

"What time is it?" My voice sounded more panicked than I had intended and I could see that I had alarmed Calliope. "I'm supposed to meet Teddy for drinks at ten." I explained and she relaxed her features.

She shook her head, laughing at my moment of insanity but I didn't miss the flash of disappointment that ripped across her face. "It's 9:30..." She paused. "So, I guess you have to leave then?"

"Yeah." I looked her, puzzled by her reaction but shrugged it off, removing myself from her bed, heading into the living room to retrieve my discarded garments.

"See you." I spoke softly as I departed at the door. She took me off guard by crashing her lips against mine aggressively. It was over as fast as it started but got me hot and flustered none the less. Obviously satisfied with the reaction she had invoked in me, she smirked.

"Yeah, see you."

* * *

I walked peacefully down the street to Joe's, content in my post sex sedation when my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out begrudgingly, cursing the small device for disturbing such a serene moment.

My anger immediately subsided upon seeing the incoming call read 'Mom'.

"Hey mom." I spoke cheerfully at the happy surprise of the phonecall, (usually I called her since she could never count on catching me with my hectic schedule.)

My brow furrowed when I received nothing but silence.

"Mom?" I tried again.

"Arizona..." Her voice was cracked; her normally bright tone was thick with emotion.

"Mom; what's going on?" I tried to keep my voice calm but could hear the air of concern that was present.

She sighed heavily on the other end, releasing a shaky breath. "It's… It's your brother."

A cold sweat ran through me. My younger brother, like my father, was a military man and was stationed in Iraq and I could tell by my mother's tone that she was not calling with good news. I swallowed back the lump that had formed in my throat, preparing myself for what ever it was.

"He's…he's dead." She broke down into hysterical sobs at the words. I froze, all emotion flooding from my body, I stared blankly in front of me, the movement on the end of the line appeared a million miles away.

"Arizona?" My dad's voice sounded far, but drew me out of my sudden detachment. "Arizona?" He repeated.

"I… I'm here." I wasn't sure how, but I somehow managed to form words.

"You're mother, she… had to go." My father was a proud man, in all my life I had never seen him cry and I could tell, even now, he had no intention of starting, but his voice was laced with an almost painful sadness.

"So, what now?" I surprised myself by how strong and composed I appeared. It was unlike me to not cry; I was a tough cookie but my sensitive streak was my most dominant attribute. Right now, I just felt empty. Even if I wanted to, I didn't think I had it in me to shed any tears. I couldn't feel anything. I was numb.

"They're flying his body home tomorrow. We were hoping you could be there with us?"

"Of course." I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "Of course." I faded to a whisper.

"The plane gets in at four."

"I'll meet you there." My voice was as empty as I felt. "I love you dad."

"You too kiddo." And with that, the line went dead. I remained firmly stuck to the spot; my legs felt almost cemented in place.

I was drawn back to reality by the mild buzzing of my cell phone.

**[1 new message: Teddy]**

**Where are you? You're drink's getting warm ;)**

I began to move towards my destination again, functioning on autopilot. I now had only one objective:

Get as drunk as possible, as _fast_ as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Firstly, apologies for the few day delay; college got the better of me so this had to wait. Secondly, thank you, sincerely, for the wonderful response you've given me! We have some way to go yet so I hope you guys will stick it out :)**

**So this chapter didn't turn out quite like I'd planned and now seems more like a filler, but I should have the next update done within a day or two. Also, I know it seemed like there was a lot of conflict added in the last chapter whatwith the death of Arizona's brother AND the Carter Madison grant, but trust me;) ha ... anywho, I hope this isn't too disappointing, I know a filler isn't exactly what people want after waiting for a few days for an update! (Speaking of delays, for those of you who mentioned it! I have some time off starting tomorrow, so watch out for updates for my other stories).

* * *

**

The harsh sunlight crept through my bedroom window, cueing the monstrous headache that woke me from my slumber. I quickly threw the duvet over my head, snuggled back into the pillows and for a split second, everything was ok.

Of course, in typical morning fashion, that brief moment passed by and was replaced with the harsh reality of the day ahead; my brother was still dead and even the alcohol induced, skull crushing headache couldn't surmount that pain.

I drew a shaky breath, mentally preparing myself for what this day had in store and went to remove myself from the confines of the blanket, when, like a slap to the face, the events of last night rushed back into view. I shut my eyes tightly in an attempt to block out the oncoming humiliation I was sure to feel; but no such luck.

_I walked through the bar door to find Teddy sitting in a nearby booth, a round of drinks and shots already waiting. She greeted me pleasantly, ignoring my late arrival. I took no hesitation in throwing back the alcohol in front of me without stopping for a breather as my friend watched in curious wonderment. She attempted to keep up with me, and held her own, but I was a drinking machine; enjoying the numbing effects of the alcohol, the temporary escape I received from reality._

_We were in the middle of a heated discussion on moisturiser when two familiar faces approached our table. _

"_Calliopeee! Mark!" I slurred in a high pitched sing song tone. "Come. Sit. Join us." I gestured enthusiastically to the empty space in the booth. They looked at each other with caution but shrugged and did as told. Evidently feeling the need to catch up, they indulged in several glasses of 'Early onset Alzheimer's', a blue alcoholic concoction that was strong enough to knock out a baby elephant. Before long we had made our way to the dance floor, bobbing around aimlessly to the rhythm of the music, Mark and Teddy engaging in some wannabe-dirty dancing-esque routine, Callie and I playfully spinning each other in circles and mimicking one another's ridiculous 80's dance moves. The atmosphere was electric and the alcohol buzzing through my veins made forgetting easy._

_As the night drew on, the music slowed, people on the dance floor began pairing up, Mark and Teddy remained connected to one another, swaying slightly to the music; I made for the booth (dancing alone to a slow song is a little sad, regardless of my level of intoxication), when suddenly, a soft, familiar hand grasped mine and spun me closer. _

_I had felt numb most of the evening, but now, all I could do was feel. Feel my heart pounding in my chest as her body pressed closely against mine, feel the lust, admiration and something a little more unfamiliar, as our eyes locked, making the world around us disappear, but those feelings soon took a back seat to the emotions I had been trying to cover all night. I felt a thick lump form in my throat that refused to disappear no matter how hard I tried to swallow it back, my eyes began to sting with tears and the stunning face in front of me became nothing but a watery blur; images of my brother flashed through my mind, fear of tomorrow, fear of the unfamiliar feeling. Fear and pain and sorrow; I was consumed by all of it. Feeling one of the bitter tears threaten to spill, I pulled swiftly away from Calliope and made a dash for the door. _

_The cold night air cut through me like knives, I hunched over in an attempt to supply my lungs with oxygen but kept coming up short._

"_Arizona?" I was no longer alone and the voice behind me was quiet and concerned. I stood straight, wiping ferociously at my tear stained face before turning to her._

"_What?" I spat venomously; certainly harsher than I had honestly intended._

"_I-I just wanted to make sure you were ok? I'm sorry if I-"_

"_Shut up! Just shut up! I can't… I can't deal with __**you**__ right now." I instantly regretted being so nasty, she didn't deserve it, but I couldn't explain, not right now. _

_I hailed down the first cab and set off, looking back once at the sad, deflated face of the woman I had left behind._

I had to apologise to Callie, that was for sure; but I had more important matters to deal with today, Callie would have to wait.

I called the Chief to explain my situation and he sympathetically granted me with as much time off as I needed. I had initially planned on stopping by the hospital on my way to the air force base, but after the events of last night I didn't want to run the risk of bumping into Calliope. I had been beyond rude. She was my friend, it was unfair to take my anger and frustration out on her and to be honest, I was afraid of her reaction to seeing me, so opted to wait and find out later.

* * *

The cool breeze pricked my eyes, making them water, as my parents and I stood waiting in the aeroplane hanger. I had never imagine this moment would come and now, standing here, I realised how stupid I had been to never consider it, to brace myself were it to happen.

My mother held back her tears, her earlier sobbing had faded to a low whimper. My father cradled her lovingly in his arms. I watched the scene of my parents before me. They cared for each other so much, even after all these years. I thought about how lucky they were to have each other, someone to lean on in times like these. I had friends, _great _friends, but it's not the same as having that person; the person who stays strong for you when you can't, the person to remind you that things won't always seem this dark and frowny. More tears built in my eyes at this thought, I felt more alone than I ever had before, empty.

I could no longer control my emotions as the plane landed. A senior officer stepped out to greet us, offering his condolences, telling us what a wonderful man my brother was and finally presenting us with a flag. A flag. That's all we received in exchange for my brother's life. It almost seemed insulting, but I was comforted by the officer's words; my brother had truly died a hero and in that moment, I had never felt such pride.

I waited around for my parents to organise some funeral arrangements with an important looking man, no doubt discussing the guard of honour, but was forced to leave at receiving a 911 from Karev. Although the Chief had given me all the time I needed; right now, all I needed to be was in the OR, saving a life so that another family wouldn't have to feel the pain mine was currently enduring.

* * *

I stopped short after entering the operating room at the sight of Callie standing next to the small, unconscious body lying on the table.

"Hi." I spoke softly as I drew closer. She remained silent, staring at me with an unreadable gaze.

"Ten blade." I addressed the scrub nurse, starting the procedure, buying me time to thing of a decent apology.

"I'm sorry about last night." I offered eventually.

"Whatever." She said, her voice bitter, clearly pissed off.

"Calliope." Her brown eyes rose to meet mine, expectant. "I really am. I'm just…" I paused, contemplating telling her about my brother, but deciding against it. "Going through something right now. But that's no excuse for how I acted. Please. I'm sorry." My voice began to break as the sentence neared it's end, causing the final words to voice but as a whisper.

Her eyes softened before she responded. "It's okay."

The words were simple, but there was sincerity behind them and so I left it at that, the OR really shouldn't be a place for deep, personal discussion (not that it ever stopped anyone).

* * *

Washing our hands in the scrub room, I waited until the final nurse exited, leaving Calliope and I alone before speaking.

"Calliope?"

"Mmmmhmmm?" She humoured without looking at me.

"I have this, thing….tomorrow; and, you're probably busy and it's totally okay if you want to say no but… I was wondering if you'd come with me?"

She momentarily paused and I could have sworn a smile almost graced her features, but she caught it in time.

"What kind of _thing?_" She asked nonchalantly.

"Just… a thing." I knew I should probably tell her, but saying the words out loud made it so final; and I wasn't prepared for it to be final, not just yet.

She nodded, looking at me for the first time since surgery.

"Okay."


	5. Chapter 5

When Arizona had asked me to come to a 'thing' with her, the last thing I had expected was her brother's funeral. Luckily my usual clothing colour of choice was generally black so at least I appeared as though I had some kind of warning.

The service was moving and untraditional, with a large turnout. Family and friends of Daniel Robbins spoke kindly and highly of him, offering anecdotes and sharing memories; it was obvious he was very popular and well liked. I couldn't help but wonder why Arizona had never mentioned him.

She held herself well throughout the service, even contributing a childhood story of how she had attempted to suture Danny's knee when they were left unattended in the emergency room after he bust it open falling from a tree, of course, she was caught in the act and immediately removed. My heart ached for her as I watched while she spoke with so much love for her younger brother, admittedly surprised by how composed she was. It wasn't until the coffin was being lowered into the ground that she expressed any emotion. I could feel her stiffen next to me and draw in a shaky breath, stealing a glance in her direction, I noticed her face had become red in her attempts to hide the tears that were threatening to escape. Instinctively, I reached over and laced my fingers through hers; she squeezed in response but kept her stare forward.

* * *

I accompanied her back to her parent's house. It was a generous size with white walls and a white picket fence, flower boxes and blue shutters framed each window and an American flag swayed lightly next to the bright red door.

I stood alone in the corner of the living room, watching Arizona as she did the rounds, thanking everyone for coming, engaging in light small talk every so often. She was amazing; so in control, holding it together, even now, giving everyone a little bit of her time. She hadn't said much to me all day, she didn't need to, just her inviting me to such an important event for her had meant more to me than she probably realised. A subconscious smile found it's way to my face as I watched her laugh politely at something an elderly man had just said, slightly jealous that it wasn't me invoking such a reaction from her.

"Calliope?" A voice disturbed me from my musings and I jumped to alert. Turning to face the source of disturbance, I smiled sympathetically at the woman standing next to me. Her greying blonde hair was clipped back into a tidy up-do, her make up was flawless and although she wore a smile, her eyes were consumed with sadness.

"Barbara Robbins." She extended her hand in introduction. "Thank you so much for coming."

"Callie Torres." I took her hand and nodded "Of course. I am _so _sorry about your son. He sounded like a really great guy."

She smiled at me yet again and in that moment, she looked so much like her daughter, her face just as beautiful only older , her eyes not quite as blue but her warm dimples were almost identical.

"Yeah. He was." Her voice became dreamy as she spoke of her son. She turned her body so that she was now looking in the direction I had been only moments ago, locking her gaze on Arizona. "Thick as thieves the two of them." She nodded her head in the direction of her daughter. "She's holding it together well but I know this isn't easy on her. He was her best friend." I kept my eyes on the older woman, enjoying the little insight she was indulging me with. I hadn't noticed it until today, but there was so much I never knew about the stunning blonde that frequently invaded my thoughts. "We moved around a lot, when they were young it was hard for them to form any close bonds with other children, eventually she just gave up trying. I wasn't worried though, they kept each other company. When he got positioned in Iraq it broke her heart, it was the first time they were ever really away from each other. She doesn't like to admit it but I can see she's lonely, I don't even think she realises it herself. I just hope she'll be ok, I hate the thought of her going all the way to Africa on her own, especially now with everything that's happened. And I know… I understand what a great opportunity it is, I get that, but it's three years and it's been a long time since I've seen her as happy as she has been this past year. It's just _so_ nice to see the sparkle back in her eyes."

By now, I too had turned my attention in the direction of the blonde. I felt myself tense at the mention of Africa. Why hadn't Arizona mentioned it? Her mother obviously hadn't noticed my surprise at this information, smiling kindly once more.

"It was nice meeting you Calliope."

"You too."

I returned the gesture and she walked away.

"Hey." Arizona popped up at my side. "See you've met my mom." She motioned after her mother.

"Yeah. She seems nice." I grinned at her, deciding that today was not the day for me to throw a tantrum at her secrecy, besides she didn't seem to have mentioned it to anyone at the hospital, maybe she changed her mind?

She lowered her gaze to the floor and began to fidget with her hands. "I'm sorry for springing this on you… the funeral."

"Arizona, it's fine, really. I'm glad I could be here for you. That's what friends are for." I felt a flutter of disappointment as her eyes lit up at the word 'friends', disappointment because I wanted to be so much more than just her _friend_.

"Wanna get out of here?" Like her mother, she wore a happy expression, almost mischievous, but I could see beyond that, to the pain in her ocean blue eyes. The day had taken it's toll on her.

I held my arm out for her to link. "Lead the way."

* * *

She unlocked her apartment door and pinned me against it once inside, crashing our lips together, digging her nails vigorously into my upper arms before moving up and tangling her fingers in my hair, my hands fell to her lower back, pulling her impossibly closer as she grinded against me.

She began to back towards her bedroom, dragging me with her, moving her hands to the button of my jeans, slipping her hand inside and grazing lightly at the fabric of my underwear. Desire pooled between my legs and I wanted nothing more than to let her continue, but this was wrong, she was upset, vulnerable, and although we had done this countless times before, toady, it just didn't feel right.

"Mmm..Arizona.." I groaned through heated kisses.

She ignored me.

"We need to…" I gasped harshly as she slipped one finger into my wet folds.

"No-Stop." I said, reluctantly breaking the kiss, grabbing her wrist. She looked at me expectantly. "Your brother just died. You're hurting and you're vulnerable. I'd be taking advantage."

"So? Take advantage." She said eagerly, moving to kiss me again but I moved back.

"Arizona." I spoke softly, hoping to convey my seriousness and reluctance.

"Fine. Then leave." She moved away from me, her voice harsh. "Leave!" She shouted, the well contained tears finally exploding.

"Arizona…" I moved towards her, encasing her in a strong embrace. She struggled against me at first but soon collapsed into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Sshhh." I cooed, rocking her back and forth as we sat on the bed. "Shhh. It's going to be ok." I kissed the top of her head, it pained me to see her so broken.

We sat like this for little under an hour. Eventually her cries died down and breathing became steady; upon noticing she had drifted into a peaceful sleep, I scooted us down the bed, never breaking my hold on her. It was only now I took a moment to look around her room, I had never really taken it in before, usually too preoccupied.

It was generally well kept, a subtle shade of green adorned the walls and little hand made crafts were placed neatly on random items of furniture that filled the room (obviously gifts from her patients), the only thing out of place was the new addition of empty doughnut boxes and scattered tissues that had been randomly discarded around the floor.

I snuggled down closer to her, inhaling her scent, apple and strawberry. It was intoxicating and lulled me into an unconscious state.

* * *

Arizona stirring in my arms is what woke me, gentle, rhythmic raindrops beat lightly against the window. Her eyes fluttered open and looked deep in to my brown orbs.

"Morning." I whispered, placing a delicate kiss to the tip of her nose.

She stiffened, pulling away from me before speaking.

"I think you should leave."

* * *

**A/N: thoughts and opinions are welcome, as always :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So, I initially had a slightly different plan for this chapter but after seeing the videos of Sara singing at the Grove, I couldn't get the song out of my head and really wanted to put it in. Unfortunately I'm not sure if I compromised the chapter in doing so? I really hope not. Luckily though it does manage to still fit the plot of the story! If you haven't heard the song yet, I suggest you youtube it; if you're anything like me you'll have it on repeat. ... IN fact .com/watch?v=b6325Ndfxtg&feature=player_embedded ... that's the link. I recommend listening to it before or after the chapter! Then you'll understand the immense desire I had to incorporate it! Anywhoo, lemmie know whatcha think :)

* * *

**

"Morning Dr. Torres." I looked up from my position at the nurses station to see the raven haired beauty nod courteously at Dr. Hunt before taking a chart from behind the desk and setting to work.

I didn't want to stare, this was my decision; like everything else, I called the shots. But I soon regretted my choice as I studied the way her dark locks fell around her stunning olive skinned face, or how she subconsciously nibbled on her luscious bottom lip as she examined the chart in front of her. Two weeks ago I would have walked straight up to her, requested a fabricated consult, taken her in the nearest on-call room and it would be _my _teeth that grazed that bottom lip.

Concentration became near impossible at the thought. I missed her touch, I missed touching her. I allowed my mind to briefly succumb to the glorious memories of how on fire my skin would become once connected with hers; but then reality set in and the memories were replaced with a far more recent one.

"_I think you should leave." _

_A puzzled look and flash of sadness consumed her face._

"_Why?"_

_I hated to hear the hurt in her voice but it was just more confirmation that what I was doing was for the best._

"_I… think we should stop this," I gestured between us, "for a while."_

"_So you just want to, what? See other people?" Each word pierced painfully through me. She was my friend and I cared more for her than I had ever intended, but that was precisely the problem._

"_Calliope." It came but as a whisper. "We're not __**seeing **__each other." I knew my voice spoke some semblance of a lie, technically, in theory, no, we were not together, but in practice, it could be defined as __**seeing **__each other. And that was exactly what we got into this promising we wouldn't do._

_Her shoulders sank in defeat and she rose from the bed, gathering the few belongings that were scattered on the floor and left without a backwards glance._

Of course, I didn't expect she'd want to talk to me immediately, but I really did enjoy being _just_ her friend once upon a time and I very much hoped we could eventually get back to that.

"Ah, Dr. Torres, Dr. Robbins." Derek Shepherd's cheerful voice gained both our attention, breaking me from my incessant staring. Our eyes connected for a split second; I smiled and nodded my head in salutation, a gesture she did not reciprocate, merely shifting so that she was now fully facing our colleague. "It's Meredith's birthday tonight, just some casual after work drinks in Joe's if you could make it?"

I could sense Callie's reluctance to answer before me, waiting to see what I'd say, but I remained silent until she was left with no choice but to respond. She plastered a false grin on her face (not that McDreamy would notice her hesitation).

"Sure. Why not!"

He beamed back at her before turning his attention expectantly towards me.

Derek Shepherd wasn't really a man you said no to. Not that he was by any means intimidating; on the contrary; he was extremely warm and pleasant, even _I _was slightly seduced by his charm (in a purely platonic sense, because, guys? _NO_.)

"Count me in."

"Great." He retracted his smile ever so slightly before addressing me again. "I was very sorry to hear about your brother."

"Thank you."

* * *

The night was in full swing by the time I wrapped up my final surgery of the day; an emergency appendectomy.

My colleagues sat around a large table enjoying playful banter; all except one.

"Where's Callie?" I whispered to Cristina as I approached the table with an almost unending supply of _Early onset Alzheimer's'_. She gestured a nod to the top of the room.

The lights had dimmed and the room had grown a fraction quieter; well, our table at least; everyone's attention on the tiny platform a few feet away.

A bright spotlight shone in the centre of the stage and into it walked Calliope, wearing bright blue heels that made her never ending legs look even longer in tight black jeans, a black top that clung to her delicious curves perfectly, and a boyfriend jacket, adding a touch of elegance. I caught her eye and she froze, swaying slightly, clearly at the beginning of tipsiness. Steadying herself against the karaoke tv, she turned back to the DJ and whispered something to him, he nodded and changed whatever the original CD was. She drew in a deep breath and positioned herself directly under the spotlight, locking her gaze on mine once more as the music started up, slow and enchanting.

"_All of these lines across my face, tell you the story of who I am, so many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am." _

My breath hitched in my throat; her stare was instense, eyes never breaking from mine. I had heard her sing karaoke countless times before, but usually after we had both had much more to drink so words were slurred and it was always to some cheesy, novelty song of decades past; nothing like this.

"_But these stories don't mean anything, when you've got no one to tell them to, it's true; I was made for you…"_

It was as though she were singing the song soley to me and I held onto every word. The sound and vision of the other patrons faded entirely around me. Right now, Calliope and I were the only two people in the world.

"_I climbed across the mountain tops," _the beat kicked in and the lights flickered a little more energetically, but it was still just the two of us, _"swam all across the ocean blue, I crossed all the lands and I broke all the rules," _I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand, chills ran right through the core of my being at how amazing she sounded and her eyes burned into me, "_but baby I broke them all for you."_

My heart soared at the lyrics, she raised her hand in my direction as if in unashamed declaration of her breaking the terms of our agreement. A smile broke across her features; it was like a private joke, a secret understanding, and I thrilled at it.

"_Oh, because even when I was flat broke you made me feel like a million bucks, you doooo, and I was made for youuu." _

She was miraculous. I've never witnessed anything more stunning.

"_You see the smile that's on my mouth, it's hiding the words that don't come out," _Her expression grew more serious, slightly pained, the smile faded but our eyes remained connected, _"And all of our friend who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess…"_

I suddenly became aware of the people around me, all singing merrily along to the song that had unknowingly been cutting me up since it's intro. For the first time since she began, I broke away and ran to the bathroom, grabbing the half empty bottle of tequila from the table, fighting against myself to hold in the tears that threatened to shed.

* * *

Having composed myself and drank the remaining contents of the bottle, I emerged from the confines of the lavatory and rejoined my friends.

"Jeez Robbins where'd you disappear to? You missed the gurrrrrrrnd finale!" Bailey slurred, finishing with a hiccup, a glass of the blue concoction in either hand. I glanced around the rest of the table, noticing the majority had dispersed to the dance floor.

I smiled as I watched my fellow surgeons let loose, moments like these were rare.

Teddy, Cristina, Meredith and Lexie bopped happily along in time with the music, Jackson and Alex swayed flirtatiously with two pretty blondes. It seemed that only Bailey, Derek, Owen and I, remained seated. We were missing some.

I scanned the dance floor again, in search of the missing occupant that had crashed realisation upon me like a tonne of bricks with just a flash of her angelic vocal chords. My whole body tensed upon laying eyes on her; I felt my jaw clench as I watched her grind seductively against Mark's pelvis while they moved fluidly to the music. I grabbed one of the blue drinks from Bailey's hand, downing it in one.

"Heeey, that was miiine. Now you gotta get me another one." She whined but I hardly noticed, my attention glued firmly to the abhorrent sight before me.

I balled my fist together as my eyes followed his hands up the length of her body, pulling her closer.

I had to snap out of it, this was ridiculous, I had made my decision, the _right _decision.

I swallowed another glass of the EOA that had been placed on a tray in front of me, before making my way to the buzzing floor.

A pretty brunette soon came my way, walking up and whispering something inaudible in my ear; I shrugged, not really caring what she had said, just allowing the alcohol to take over. I barely noticed her place her hands on either side of my waist, dragging me in, moving our bodies in sync.

I caught an accidental glimpse of Callie through the crowd; her expression looked bitter, although, combined with all the other emotions that were conveyed there, it made her rather difficult to read. The twisted sister's jumping into my line of sight blocked Calliope from view. I had almost forgotten about my partner until she leaned in closer, pressing delicate yet heated kisses along my exposed coller bone and neck, she held my head in place with one hand tangled in my curls, but I wasn't really there.

My mind was a million miles away but soon crashed down to earth at the sight of Mark leading Callie by the hand out the door, stopping only to crash his lips vigorously against hers.

Minutes, felt like hours past, a numbness washing over me. I was on autopilot, in some sort of awake, alcohol induced coma.

"Wanna get out of here?" A soft voice whispered when the music had dulled.

I looked into her eyes. Green. Scanned her face. Beautiful; but not the same.

"No…" I shook my head and swayed slightly, losing a little balance when she released me from her hold; trying to form a coherent sentence when my brain was working a thousand miles a minute.

"No.. I'm-I'm sorry, I gotta go."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I want to give you all a big virtual hug for giving me such an amazing response to this story (don't worry, it's not even nearly over yet). I just wanted to voice my appreciation so far! ... This chapter is considerably longer than the others and relates more closely to the show, which you'll probably notice as I borrowed quite a few quotes! This is sort of a very long filler and I chose to do it for one of a few reasons:**

**1. Being that the episode that gave me the inspiration for this chapter is one of my favourites.**

**2. I love papa Torres and think we don't get to see nearly enough of the girls' families.**

**3. It kind of advances the story in the direction I don't think I could have without it.**

**As always, I love to hear what you guys think!:)

* * *

**

**BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.**

I broke away from Mark and looked at him, slightly startled. Initially the plan had not been to sleep with him, but after seeing how horribly our earlier plan of making Arizona jealous had backfired, I saw no reason not to indulge in a little sexual sorbet.

"Callie open this door!" commanded the voice from the other side of the threshold.

**BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.**

"Uhm… I think you should maybe open the door Torres; before she blows it down." Mark said, amusement dancing across his features.

I did as told and opened the door to a very dishevelled looking blonde. Her eyes were bloodshot and glossy from alcohol, and possibly even the beginning of tears; her curly hair was a bit insane, clearly having been interfered with by the ever present Seattle wind; her expression was difficult to decipher, she looked angry, upset, worried, nervous with no dominant emotion present, all balancing equally on her beautiful face.

"Don't…" She squeaked. It was barely audible and made her look so adorably vulnerable I felt my earlier bitterness and resentment at the sight of her and the skanky brunette wash instantly away.

Mark made his way towards us, earning daggers from Arizona. "I, uh, think I should go." He gestured across the hall to his own apartment.

Once safely in the confines of his own home, I returned my attention back to the woman that stood before me, torn about what to do. After all, _she _was the one who had said she didn't want to see me anymore, yet here she was, standing on my door step, a bundle of emotion.

"Arizona…" I whispered. Barely had the words come out of my mouth before she was on me, her lips hot on mine, pushing me backwards into my apartment, tugging and discarding items of clothing. I knew that a drunken fumble wasn't the best idea, talking needed to be done, but I couldn't help but abandon my better judgement, the alcohol not helping my restraint, I needed to feel her, to be close to her again, I missed her touch. Tossing my inhibitions to the side I reciprocated with just as much force and passion, removing clothes, grabbing at flesh, trying to get as close to her as was physically possible.

She rammed me forcefully against the bedroom wall, but it didn't hurt, not in the conventional sense anyway; it was the good kind of pain; grinding her hips against mine, my heart pounded in my chest, my body aching with desire.

She spun me around, guiding me to the bed, pinning me to the mattress as her kisses moved lower; down my neck, across my collar bone, my breasts, before moving back up to my lips. She was delicious, the lingering taste of alcohol still present; her hand moved slowly down my body, loitering agonisingly on the entrance to my underwear. It took all my self control not to grab her hand and force it to where I needed it most, but I always loved being teased. She ran her fingers excruciatingly slowly against the fabric that separated her from where I wanted, a guttural moan erupted from the back of my throat as the longing began to become almost painful. She smiled against my lips, clearly delighting in the reaction she was getting from me. Decidedly putting out of my misery, she plunged two fingers deep into my soaking core; my arousal had risen to such a height it was no longer just satisfactory to have her inside of me, I needed to feel her too. Without any hesitation or teasing, I mirrored her actions. She froze into the kiss with surprise but soon fell back into her skilful, rhythmic movements. Thrusting and grinding against each other, the other's reactions and moans spurring us on; I could feel the tension rise within me, the familiar feeling so close, she placed her thumb to my clit, rubbing gently, throwing me over the edge. The weight of her on top of me held me in place as my body writhed beneath her, a few short moments later she too began to convulse. We held on to eachother, riding it out, until the shaking stopped, the moans of pleasure ceased and we drifted into a drunken and sedated slumber.

* * *

I woke the next morning to the familiar pang of a post drinking headache, I scrunched my eyes shut even tighter willing it to pass but to no avail, stretching my hand to the opposite side of the bed, my eyes shot open as my palm fell on the cold, empty space. She was gone, but her scent still lingered, confirming that it had not been just a dream. My heart sank. I had really thought last night had been some kind of turning point. She obviously had not wanted me to sleep with Mark or she wouldn't have come, basically asking me not to. So why had she left?

* * *

I went about my day as usual, going through the motions half heartedly; I hated myself for getting into this position. I had wanted so badly to believe that this had become more than just sex that I allowed my own fantasies to cloud reality. The reality that for her, sex was all it was. It was so typical of me to get ahead of myself, run away on a notion that my little game with Mark had somehow made her realise that she wanted me back. I was terrified of seeing her, knowing that no matter how hard I tried, she was like kryptonite to me. I liked to think I was too much of a rockstar to let her affect me, to allow her to worm her way back to a situation that suited her, but I knew how easy it was for her to break my resolve; I was addicted to her.

Miranda Bailey approached me in the ER as I was finishing a suture.

"Did the gentleman from the waiting room ever find you?"

I looked up at her, puzzled. "What?"

"It's the gentleman who could possibly be your father."

To say I was shocked would be the understatement of the century. I hadn't seen or heard from my father in almost a year. I had only been dating Erica for a few months when he last visited and we had agreed not to tell him until we were sure it was serious, deciding it was too soon to do the whole family thing. But in the typical, unpredictable fashion of events, the world had instead decided to spite me, leaving me no choice but to introduce my father to my girlfriend. Needless to say he was not impressed by my choice of suitor and threatened to cut me off unless I broke up with her; so I cut him off. Always a man to stay true to his word, he cut off my trust fund and basically ostracised me from the family. I emailed my sister every now and then, but never received a reply. My father wielded great power among my family so I was not surprised by the behaviour of my mother and sister. I was however, surprised to see him reading a magazine in the ER waiting room.

* * *

I walked cautiously towards him, consumed by nerves and fear of the unexpected. What reason would he have to come after all this time? He was a stubborn man and I was sure he wasn't there to swallow his pride.

"Daddy…"

"Calliope."

"What are you doing here?" I asked sceptically.

"I came to see you." My heart fluttered momentarily but I couldn't understand the reasoning behind such an impromptu visit.

"Why?"

He stepped closer to me and I felt my body tense with unease awaiting the answer I wasn't sure I wanted to hear.

"Calliope, we used to talk, every Sunday we used to talk; I'd wait for your call and you'd tell me everything, all about your crazy adventures." I couldn't help but smile at the memory of the bond we once shared. "Even when you were in trouble; you'd still call, and we worked it out, we'd always work it out mija."

Relief and happiness washed over me. It was the last thing I had expected but I was so happy to hear him say it. I stepped forward, closing the gap, engulfing him in an overdue hug.

"Daddy." I sighed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry; I'm sorry things got so…"

"Sure." He whispered back warmly.

"I'm just so glad you've finally come around. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"Well, Aria told me you emailed her about your break-up." I smiled warmly into the embrace at how he had flown all this way just because of a break up. "I just knew you'd see sense mija."

My smile faded with his concluding words. For the first time, I caught sight of another familiar face sitting on the opposite side of the waiting room.

"Daddy, is that father Kevin?"

"Hello Calliope." The priest addressed, standing to his feet.

I pulled away from my father, staring at him in disbelief.

"Are you two here to…?" Realisation hit me. "You think you can pray away the gay."

"We can just sit and talk, I know you don't want this either." My father attempted to sound reasonable.

"Oh no. You can't pray away the gay." I told him, backing away towards the ER.

"Calliope Iphigenia Torres." He called after me with a tone of authority. He was unbelievable.

"YOU CAN'T PRAY AWAY THE GAY." I shouted at him before making my final exit.

* * *

"The man flew three thousand miles to make me straight; with a _priest_! I'm lucky they didn't march into the ER, swinging incense, all hepped up for an exorcism."

Mark sat on the couch in the attending's lounge, watching me pace back and forth.

"Maybe, you should talk to him?" He offered. I looked at him disbelievingly.

"I have nothing to say! If he wants to throw away our relationship after thirty years, that's his decision."

My best friend rose to his feet, grabbing me by the shoulders, bringing me to a halt. "He hasn't done anything here; you're the one who changed the game." I could see in his eyes he wasn't taking sides, he was always on my side, he was simply trying to get through to me. "You dated men your whole life; you loved _men._ You even married one. I mean talk about thirty years of a relationship; he's been consistent for _thirty _years and all of a sudden, you're a whole new girl. Cut the guy some slack, talk to him; give him room to be, a little shocked."

I continued to stare at him. I wanted to be angry with him for not agreeing with me 100%, but I knew he was right; which frustrated me even more. I sighed in defeat, giving him the tiniest of smiles. "I hate you." I stated plainly, flopping onto the couch he had recently vacated.

"That's coz I'm right." He smiled in triumph.

* * *

Staying true to my word, I sat down with my dad and father Kevin to a conversation about as successful as our earlier screaming match, only this time; with bible quotations and my parting words of _"You'll, you know; see me in hell."

* * *

_

"Didn't go well huh?" Mark asked, sitting down next to me and my pile of used Kleenex'.

I released a heavy sob and shook my head in wordless response.

He looked at me with sympathetic eyes, pulling me into a comforting embrace, kissing the top of my head as I sobbed into his chest.

* * *

I managed to compose myself in time for my afternoon surgeries, resigning myself to the reality that my father and I would never reunite.

Anger had mostly replaced my earlier sadness but I couldn't help but feel a twinge of anguish at receiving such concerned and careful looks from my colleagues. Word had travelled fast in true Seattle Grace Mercy West fashion and I doubted there was anyone that had not heard about poor Dr. Torres and her homophobic father.

I needed air. Making my way towards the hospital entrance I stopped short at the sight of my father, I had assumed he would have left, standing next to a head of familiar blonde locks. I moved closer to them, enough to hear their exchange but far enough to not be seen, not wanting them to discover my presence.

"Calliope's father, right?" she graced him with one of her signature, super magic smiles.

He gave her a stiff smile and a nod in confirmation before turning to stare forward again. She kept her eyes on him for a few moments longer before turning forward herself.

"Most people think that I was named for the state but it's not true, I was named for a battleship." I watched her with great puzzlement; why was she even talking to him? "The U.S.S Arizona. My grandfather was serving on the Arizona when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbour and he saved, nineteen men, before he drowned… Pretty much everything my father did his whole life was about honouring that sacrifice. I was raised to be a 'good man in a storm'. Raised to love my country, love my family and protect the things I love. When my father, Colonel Daniel Robbins of the United States Marine Corps, heard that I was a lesbian, he said he only had one question; _I_ was prepared for, 'how fast can you get the hell out of my house?'; but instead, it was, 'are you still who I raised you to be?' My father believes in country the way that you believe in God, and my father is not a man who bends but he bent for me because I'm his _daughter_. I'm a good man in a storm…." She turned to face him once again, shoulders broad with confidence. "Calliope's strong and caring and honourable and she's, who you raised her to be." A faint smile played across her lips as my father's expression softened just the slightest bit. I moved quickly into the nearest bathroom as she began to back away from him.

Once safe in the confines of a cubicle I let out a breath I was unaware I had been holding. I couldn't believe she had done that. No one ever stood up to my father like that, he had almost looked as though she had gotten through to him. It just made me even more confused as to where I stood with her.

* * *

I finished my shift, not encountering Arizona even once; I was slightly disappointed; I wanted nothing more than to talk to her, find out what was going on; but it had been a busy day for all of us.

Exiting the hospital I paused momentarily as my father stood in my path. He hadn't left, which, could be a good thing… I hoped.

"Calliope." He stood in front of me, his face serious, but not angry.

I shook my head, "Daddy, I can't do this anymore."

"Listen to me please."

I waited, expectantly, nervous. After what I had seen occur between him and Arizona earlier I really had no clue how this conversation would go, knowing it was our last shot; and was pleasantly surprised by what he had to say.

"I have to catch you; you've always been on a bridge Calliope, ever since you were a little girl. And you don't just walk on it either, no, you climb on the railing and you're ready to leap, and when you do, when that happens, I have to be there; I have to catch you."

I sighed a heavy sigh of relief, understanding how much it was taking for him to swallow his pride.

"You're still my little girl, Calliope; no matter how grown up you get. But if this is what you want; if this makes you happy…." He paused, each of his words weighing heavy with honesty. "You're my little girl."

I smiled broadly at him closing the space between us to encase him in a similar fashion to earlier. We remained like this, in silence for only a few moments before he spoke.

"I have to go mija. My flight leaves soon." I pulled away, slightly disappointed by the quick departure after such a turning point.

"Can't you stay a little longer?" I pleaded but he shook his head.

"No, you're mother is expecting me home. I'll call you." He said, placing a delicate kiss to my forehead before walking into the night.

I remained in the spot, smiling to myself, disturbed only by the sound of a throat clearing. Breaking from my dream I looked up to find Arizona standing in front of me, a cautious smile on her face.

"Hi." She said quietly.

"Hi."

"Everything work out ok with your dad?" She gestured in the direction he had headed.

I nodded, smiling kindly at her. "Thank you."

"For what?" She questioned with feigned ignorance.

"For talking to my dad." Her expression grew self conscious as she realised I knew what she had done. After a few moments of silence I spoke again. "Come on a date with me?"

It wasn't so much a question as a statement and she looked at me with a torn expression.

"Come on a date with me?" I repeated, before should had the chance to decline. "Just one date. Dinner. A movie. Whatever."

She stared at me in contemplation for a few further moments before nodding.

"Okay."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: First I just want to apologise for the delay with this chapter, college kinda got in my way and I suffered a slight bout of writer's block but this chapter has helped me get where I needed the story to go! As always thank you for the fantastic response! The next chapter should be up within a day or two. :) let me know what you think if you get a chance :)

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To my surprise, my first date with Calliope had gone great. She had insisted on it being a 'day date'; time to get to know one another beyond the four walls of each other's bedrooms. Having been friends for over a year and sleeping together for the past few months, we were at the slight advantage that awkwardness was not an issue. Sure it was a little weird to consciously think of it as a proper 'date', but once I got past that, I ended up really enjoying myself.

She had taken me bowling (and kicked my ass at it) and for doughnuts; a combination of some of my favourite things. I was a little taken aback and pleasantly impressed that she had remembered all these tit bits of information I had divulged during pointless pillow talk.

We had ended up staying out pretty late, walking aimlessly for hours, just talking and enjoying the company. During this time I found it a little strange that Callie and I hadn't been closer friends to begin with; sure we were pretty close as far as colleagues go, but there was so much I never knew about her; like, she was in the peace corps, never knew that, or that she cooked a mean chicken picatta. She was a fascinating individual and even if I had wanted to, my stubbornness was incapable of stepping in and shaking me back to the negative denial I had been in. Truth is, I had begun to really like Callie as more than just a friend.

At the end of the evening she had walked me to my door and graced me with a deliciously delicate, lingering kiss; I had made an attempt at deepening it and that was when she pulled away. She wanted it to be a proper date; no heavy make out session or anything else that could stem from such an activity and I respected that. What was most strange though was the longing feeling I had felt upon her departure; I had _missed_ her.

That had been three weeks and five official dates ago and everything between us was going quite well, _great_, actually. I spent most evenings and nights at Callie's place, just talking and watching movies mostly; things were going slow but neither of us seemed to mind; it had become more than just sex, and no one was more surprised than me that I was okay with that. I delighted in getting to know her and felt somehow more complete in her presence. She made me feel special and looked at me with utter adoration and I couldn't help but do the same; she was magnificent, breathtakingly stunning, kind, thoughtful, perfectly amazing. I had become slightly addicted to her; I suddenly found myself lonely whenever she wasn't around, even when she was, I didn't feel quite whole if I wasn't holding her hand or standing close to her. She had become like my own personal brand of heroin and I hated admitting it. So for now, the only person I had confessed it to was myself.

The majority of the time I ignored the elephant in the room with ease; the elephant being Africa. I didn't want to tell her, knowing it would pop the pretty pink bubble we'd been floating in but knew I couldn't avoid it forever; D-day was edging closer and I would have to tell her sooner or later, although, the idea of later was much more appealing. The thought of not going at all, thereby saving me the conversation altogether had crossed my mind multiple times but I knew I was being selfish. I had worked hard to earn the prestigious grant, I _deserved _this, the tiny humans deserved this and it was precisely the reason I didn't want things to get serious with Calliope; well one of the reasons.

My mind was working in overdrive as I glided through the hospital lobby. It was 11am and I had already been here for eight hours; knowing that Callie had started her shift over three hours ago and was due out of surgery any minute, I cleared a window in my schedule to see her. She had been asleep when I snuck out this morning and I missed our morning ritual that usually ended with a chaste kiss before going our separate ways.

Although my brain buzzed with thoughts of how I was going to tell Callie about Africa, I couldn't help but smile at the idea of seeing her ever glowing smile and dazzling brown eyes.

I rounded the corner at there they were; the all familiar smile, brighter than ever, her brown orbs intense, with the power to set you on fire with just a look, only, _I_ was _not _the one on the receiving end. My heart jumped into my throat as I watched my raven haired beauty throw her head back in a dramatic, hysterical fashion, evidently the shorter blonde that stood next to her was highly amusing. I could feel my face contort bitterly as though I was sucking on something sour as I watched the pretty intern's hand graze lightly down Calliope's arm. I balled my fists tightly together, my nails digging roughly into my palms, my jaw clenching as I watched Callie's hand reach up to the blonde's hair; I inhaled a shaky breath, fighting back threatening tears; I knew I had gotten in deeper than I ever planned to but this was bad. How could I be so stupid to let her get this hold on me? I turned sharply to walk away when I heard my name being called from behind, instead of turning around, I paused momentarily before continuing down the corridor.

Loud footsteps sprinted to catch up with me.

"Arizona!" Her voice sounded slightly desperate with a twinge of annoyance. "Arizona, wait up."

She reached a hand out to grab hold of my arm and it was only now I made the decision to face her, satisfied that I could keep myself from falling apart in front of her.

"_What?_" I spat harshly.

She looked a little shocked by my tone, but smiled kindly and continued none the less. "I was calling after you. Why didn't you turn around?"

"I didn't want to disturb you and your little _flirting _buddy. " I hadn't intended to be so obvious but there was no way of hiding it, the green eyed monster was out with a vengeance.

She scoffed which only proved to make me madder. "What? Sadie? Are you _jealous?_" She questioned teasingly.

I placed my hands on my hips, titled my head to the side and gave her my best 'do I look like I find this funny?' face.

"Arizona." She sighed when she realised I wasn't kidding. "That was nothing. Sadie's just one of my interns, and yeah, she flirts a little and I flirt back every now and then but it's harmless."

When my expression didn't falter she moved closer to me, placing her hands on my shoulders and giving a pleading look. "Please, Arizona." Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. "You have to believe me; I wouldn't do that to you, I love you."

Her breath caught and her body stiffened as soon as the words left her mouth. It was obvious word vomit but it was out there now and there was no taking it back. I knew my own expression had changed to one of shock and slight panic when she began to speak again.

"I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to- You don't have to say it back." She removed her hands from my shoulders and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry." She whispered again, barely audible.

My legs felt like jelly and I wasn't sure they could support my weight much longer. I began to back away. "I have to… go."

* * *

"I just can't believe you left without saying goodbye."

"I know. I'm sorry Teddy, I just needed to do this." I spoke sadly to my best friend over the phone, knowing she would understand once I told her the full story.

"I get it." Her voice conveyed the truth she spoke and I was relieved she wasn't mad at me for leaving on the spur of the moment. "What did the Chief say?"

"Well at first he wasn't happy but then once I explained that Dr. Duncan was happy to take over my patient and surgery schedules, he soon changed his tune; and besides, my replacement will be there in two weeks anyway so it's not like it's a _huge _inconvenience."

"And what about Callie? What did she say?"

I stiffened at the mention of her name but remained silent, grateful when a voice came over the intercom informing that my flight was about to board at gate 3.

"I gotta go. I'm going to miss my flight. I'll miss you."

I heard her release a sigh of frustration; she liked Callie and I knew she disapproved of me leaving her high and dry like this; but she was still my best friend and it was impossible for her to stay mad at me for long.

"I'll miss you too. Stay safe. And keep in touch." She rushed out before I hung up my cell and made my way to the gate, pausing for a split second before handing over my boarding past.

A pleasant looking air hostess graced me with a perky smile which I did my best to mirror.

"Enjoy your flight."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Okaaaay, I know my tardiness is becoming a bit of a habit and for that I apologise! I feel so guilty because you've all been giving me such a wonderful response I want to update daily! Unfortunately, real life is getting in the way as college nears it's end(I'm not impressed). I would also like to apologise for the shortness of this chapter, but the good news is, it's the weekend! :) and I know EXACTLY where I wanna go with the next chapter so there shouldn't be much of a delay. Consider this one a filler (I know I say that a lot, it's kind of my cop out when I don't think the chapter's too good!ha) Thank you to everyone who's been reading, reviewing, favouriting etc... OH! before I forget, fear not, those who mentioned it, there will be NO Mallie baby in this story!**

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I walked into the dark and lonely apartment, the only source of light coming from the moon, which peaked through the half open curtain; Cristina had moved in with Owen almost two months ago, when Arizona was around I rarely noticed my roommate's absence, but now the darkness had dominance as the emptiness echoed throughout every room.

I threw myself onto the sofa, covering my eyes with my palm; it had been a long, frustrating day; I drew the short straw and got stuck on ER duty all afternoon, each case seemed more hopeless than the last; five people died on my watch which only added to my vexation and now pounding headache. I needed coffee, but removing myself from my cosy position proved too daunting a task so I instead chose to endure the pain; coz I'm, you know, hardcore or whatever.

"_I have a cure for a headache that doesn't involve coffee."_

I smile at the, now fading, memory. Ghostly reminders such as hearing her voice invade my every thought had been a regular occurrence since the beautiful blonde had walked out of my life; initially I tried to block them out, distract myself with anything and everything but to no avail; so three and a half weeks later, I have learned to accept it and figure, well really _hope_, this temporary insanity of hearing voices in my head will pass.

Three and a half weeks and Arizona's face was still etched to perfection in my mind, her hypnotic eyes, calming smile, intoxicating laugh still held strong in my memory as though the woman was standing before me every time I closed my eyes. Three and a half weeks of putting on a brave face, acting unfazed by her absence; three and a half weeks of coming home every evening and crying for an hour straight before my tears lulled me into a deep slumber.

Mark had of course, been my rock, as always; he came by every evening after work to keep me company, I'd cook him dinner, we'd drink wine, watch movies, anything to distract me from the emptiness I felt. Lexie would join us on some occasions, maybe once or twice a week; I guess they didn't want to shove their sickeningly sweet adoration of one another in my face _every _night, but I was grateful for their company in whatever shape or form, it really was one of the only times I managed to drag my thoughts somewhat away from Arizona. Mark knew me better than anyone which is why he was careful never to bring up the blonde's name or ask me how I was doing with that sympathetic look so many others wore when addressing me these days which I appreciated, there was only so much of it I could take. Tonight however, Mark was working late and Lexie was on the early morning shift which meant this was her only time to sleep, so my only company came in the form of sharp cutting thoughts and memories.

_I walked into the attending's changing room at the end of my shift, grateful to see the day come to a close; I hadn't seen Arizona since the day before nor had I had any time to call her to talk about what had happened. I hadn't meant to tell her I love her, not that I didn't mean it, I did, but it was way too soon to put it out there, well, technically we'd been pretty much seeing each other for months but we'd only been on a handful of dates. As long as I'd known her, Arizona's relationships never lasted longer that a week or so max and I was in no doubt that I had freaked her out in typical 'me' fashion, skipping steps, rushing into everything. I smiled warmly upon approaching my locker and seeing a letter with my name scribbled on the envelope in familiar handwriting; my smile did not last long however with what followed._

_**Calliope,**_

_**I have been trying to find the right time to tell you this but it never seemed to be it; I have been awarded the Carter Madison grant and it is taking me to Africa, I haven't told many people about it yet as I didn't want any fuss and I was not due to leave for another couple of weeks so thought I would have had time to talk to you about it face to face but they need me there right away. I am so deeply sorry for doing this this way. You take care of yourself, be happy Calliope.**_

_**Arizona.**_

The moment I read that letter repeats daily in my mind, every time I feel like today's the day to move on, back it comes, knocking the wind out of me lick a tonne of bricks.

Since then, she had made no attempt at contacting me; at first I tried to convince myself that she was too busy, I tried to make excuses for her, after all, it's a freakin' Carter Madison grant! Nobody normal gets those and _nobody _in their right mind would turn one down but eventually I was forced to face the reality that she simply had no interest in talking to me; she wrote to Teddy almost daily, emails and texts, the occasional phonecall; I had tried not to seem desperate or overly affected but I couldn't stop myself from frequently asking Teddy if she'd mentioned me at all, but her response was always the same 'she's just sort of dove right into the medicine' and 'she's been busy'.

On one hand, I was _so _angry, angry with her for leaving, angry with her for not caring enough to leave me with more than a measly _note_, but mostly I was angry with myself for caring _so _much; once again I had allowed my emotions to take the reigns and once again that decision had left me broken. On the other hand, I wasn't angry at all, I wanted her to come back, wanted to welcome her with open arms, put it behind us like it was nothing but a horrible dream, some days this feeling was the dominant one, the one where I felt no resentment or bitterness, just love and sadness for what might have been.

Staring at the clock on the dvd player I realised Mark would be out of surgery soon; removing myself from my lying position, I moved to the kitchen and began preparing dinner, no meal actually in mind, cooking on autopilot had become quite a specialty of mine lately. Washing some carrots I was drawn back to my harrowing reality by a knock on the blue door of my apartment, checking my watch, **20:17**, Mark was earlier than I had expected; it was also unusual for him to knock; I had given him a key for emergencies, of course, he showed flagrant disregard for the key's actual purpose, using it to enter as if it was his own home and honestly it didn't bother me too much in general. Drying my hands off a nearby dish towel I made for the door.

"Mark, did you forget your key again?" I questioned with amusement, he had a tendency to leave it at the hospital, how, I will never understand because it really shouldn't be out of his pocket, but, whatever.

My whole body stiffened at the sight that stood before me upon swinging open the wooden frame.

"Okay, so picture this…"


	10. Chapter 10

"_Okay, so picture this…"_

_The words she spoke presented as a distant whisper in my ears, drowned out by the sound of my heart thudding ever faster with each passing second, I registered none of her speech, my sole attention locked onto the sorrowful expression on her face. _

_Eventually noticing her lips stop moving, my mind returned to some level of coherency; a million thoughts and questions buzzed through my brain but when I opened my mouth to speak the best I could do was form one, barely audible word._

"_Erica?"_

_My lack of response to her ramble had clearly made her slightly anxious as her previously hopeful expression turned to one of concern and defeat. But she seemed determined that I hear her._

"_Callie, I'm so_ sorry, for everything… The way I acted- I understand if you never want to see me again but I couldn't stop thinking about you, from the night I left-"

"Stop." I cut her off, silencing her with a raise of my hand. I was beyond confused; how was I supposed to feel about this? If I was honest with myself, seeing her didn't make me _feel _anything, I wasn't angry or upset, I wasn't happy or excited, I was completely and utterly indifferent to the woman standing before me, the woman, who, only a few short months ago had been my world, or so I thought at the time. Looking back, I realised my feelings for Erica were never genuinely as strong as I had fooled myself into believing, I had wanted so bad to love and to be loved in return I had convinced myself that she was it; but surely, if that was the case, I'd be feeling _something _right now?

"You're back?" I broke the silence I had created.

She nodded her head in affirmation. "I'm back."

We stood in silence for a further few minutes, evidently neither knowing what to say. I had never expected to see her again and had never thought about what I would say to her if I did; what really _was _there to say? Deciding we couldn't stand here like this forever I spoke.

"What is it you want from me Erica?" I hadn't anticipated the sadness and vulnerability in my voice, I no longer had strong feelings for her, but she had hurt me bad, rejected me; I felt helpless.

"I miss you Cal, I just want to talk, clear the air…" She paused as if contemplating how to continue, "and then, just-… we can see from there."

I nodded my head without reason, confirming that I was listening, but my mind was blank.

"Can I come in?" She asked when I didn't react, her expression hopeful.

I thought about it for a moment; I had loved her once upon a time, and whether my feelings had been truly as strong as I had made myself believe and time had merely faded them, or whether I had fallen into a complacent pattern with no higher expectations of love, it didn't really matter; whatever my previous sentiments were, there was a familiarity there, a foundation for another chance at a future. I knew where my true affections lay, and it certainly wasn't with the blonde on my doorstep, I knew even considering letting Erica back into my life would be settling, but that's life, sometimes you just have to grin and embrace the hand you're dealt. I stood aside, gesturing unenthusiastically for her to enter.

* * *

"Where did you go?" I questioned meekly as we sat at the breakfast bar, having already run out of small talk; I was in no mood to entertain another awkward silence, there was an elephant in the room and it had to be addressed. I was feeling a little more confident in the conversation as I felt the faint effects of my second glass of wine.

"Europe." She stated plainly before taking a sip from her own glass before continuing. "Well, for a while- not straight away." She seemed frazzled, unsure of where to begin, inhaling deeply, she began again. "The night I…" She paused self consciously.

"Left?" I aided and she nodded apologetically.

"The night I left, I just got in my car, drove for hours aimlessly. I contemplated coming back, really I did, but I just couldn't; I was too stubborn. So I went home, packed a bag and went to the airport without a plan or destination, I looked at the board and bought a ticket for the next available flight, New York, so that's where I went. I didn't stay long though. I called some friends I knew were working overseas and explained that I wanted to get away for awhile and they were very obliging; I had temporary offers from some of the best hospitals in Europe; but, well, you know how I feel about being in the sun for too long so I decided to go somewhere where the weather was more bleak, somewhere like Seattle, only a million miles away."

"Where did you end up?" I couldn't help the eager curiosity that plagued my voice, I had always wanted to do that, hop on a plane, go on some crazy, unplanned adventure.

"Ireland." She laughed and I couldn't help but grin; she had once told me how Ireland posed no interest what so ever for her after experiencing a rather traumatic encounter with a charging cow escaped from a slaughter house, upon visiting the country as a child. I laughed along with her at the memory of the tale.

"I continued on and went to France, but that was more of a vacation really, made a short pit stop in Germany and then, came home."

"When did you get in?" I enquired, only now noticing her lack of luggage.

She fixed her gaze on the glass in her hands but decidedly looking up to meet my eye answered, "Two weeks ago." She exhaled, her voice sounded ashamed. "I know, I _know, _I should have called sooner but I hadn't really worked out a plan on whether I was going to stay or not, I didn't want to see you and confuse things even more before I knew what I was doing."

I pursed my lips into a thoughtful pout, contemplating the information. "No, I get it." I told her honestly.

A relieved smile swept across her face. "So, where does this leave _us_?" she braved, gesturing between her and I.

A momentary wave of panic swept through me, I wasn't expecting _that _issue to be addressed so soon. Looking at her blankly for a few minutes, she appeared to understand, placing a warm hand on top of mine.

"You don't have to answer right away Callie. But please, at least consider an _us _again?"

I closed my eyes, trying to keep the emotions and tears that were building within me at bay, nodding my head. She seemed satisfied with my response, removing her hand, I opened my eyes.

"Well, it's getting pretty late…" She noted, looking at her watch. "I should go."

In a moment of what I can only describe as temporary insanity, I reached out and grabbed her arm as she rose from the bar stool. "Wait."

She looked at me expectantly. I couldn't explain or comprehend why I had done it, maybe it was just that piece inside of me that hated to be alone, that was slowly rotting away with each rejection I faced. Too much had happened in the past few weeks and right now any kind of company was appealing. "Stay… I mean, it's late, and raining."

She looked surprised but obliged none the less. I gave her one of my old, oversized t-shirt and pajama shorts and cleared the storage boxes off Cristina's bed. I was nowhere near ready to jump into anything with her, she had broken a piece of my heart that had not yet fully healed, and right now, the rest of it belonged to someone else, so sharing a bed so soon was out of the question. She didn't appear to mind, in fact, she seemed quite pleased with herself and her small victory.

After bidding our goodnights, I moved to my own room, noticing Mark's absence for the first time this evening; checking my phone I was happy he at least had the decency to let me know he wouldn't make it; some emergency to do with burn victims.

* * *

My sleep was restless, my brain was working 90 miles an hour. I couldn't process my thoughts clearly, I was a mess. _Why _did this keep happening to me? Was it so much to ask for, to be happy without any drama invading my every waking moment?

Deciding that four hours was the best I was gonna get, I climbed out of bed as the clock read 6:30am and began raiding the cupboards for breakfast supplies.

_**Meanwhile…**_

"Pick up, pick uuuup." I whispered to myself, silently pleading with the recipient to answer her phone.

"Arizona?" A sleepy, disoriented voice answered.

I smiled at hearing the familiar speaker, "Teddy, hi. I kind of need a favour?"

"At 6:30am, this had better be good!" She answered, irritated but with a air of playfulness.

I smiled in anticipation at how she would react to what I was about to say. "I'm at the airport, I need you to come pick me up."

Silence filled the line.

"Teddy? You still there?" I asked, slightly concerned by the lack of response.

Another brief moment of silence passed before she spoke again, "You're _back_?"

"I'm baaaack." I sang cheerfully down the phone in the hopes it would wake her up and invoke a little enthusiasm.

"And you can't get a cab becauuuse?" She questioned, following quickly with, "Not that I'm not happy you're back, of course I am, but it's 6:30am."

"I know, I'm sorry." I offered, only half apologetically. "But the cab line is like… a mile long!… And I really gotta see a girl about a kis

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**A/N: I hope you guys don't hate me for my little stunt with Erica being at the door instead of Arizona? ha ... but as you can see, our favourite blonde is most definitely back now! :) I tried to get this up yesterday but the site seemed to be down, so I have gotten up especially early this morning so I could get this here before I go to college:) ... I'm not sure I LOVE how this chapter turned out, I can't stand Erica so hate writing for her and I sorta think I rushed the Arizona part... but I'll let you guys be the judge! **

**Also, I've started a new story which I'll be posting this morning as well if any of you wanna check it out :) **

**Thanks for reading :)x**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Okay, I know not everyone was thrilled with the last chapter, which I can appreciate. I feel I should take a minute to explain the reasoning behind my madness!ha ... Basically, this story is like my baby, it's the one I currently find most enjoyable to write for, hence why it has gotten priority over the past few weeks, so I'm really hesitant for it to come to an end anytime soon, however the end is inevitable, but I am in no rush to get there, and the temptation to throw everyone off with the thought that it was originally Arizona at the door was much too appealing to not go with. But I can understand some people's unhappiness, I HATE Erica to!. But for now, this is the direction I chose this story to go in :) But I honestly do appreciate you guys letting me know what you thought one way or the other, whether you love it or hate it! :) I just hope you guys can forgive me for the trickery in the last chapter;) ha ****Thanks for reading!:)**

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The clock in the kitchen read 7:01am as I served up freshly made cinnamon pancakes onto two plates and placed them on the breakfast counter.

"Mmmmm…" A voice came, emerging from the spare room on the opposite side of the apartment, "now there's a smell I've missed."

Studying Erica head to toe as she made her way across the room and took a seat in front of me, I couldn't help but draw comparisons between her and Arizona.

Her hair was tossed in a chaotic mound of bed head curls atop of her head, somehow, when Arizona woke in the morning her hair always looked glorious, seductive even, lightly falling around her face, slightly dishevelled but in an incredibly sexy manner that made refraining from jumping her the moment her eyelids parted, an extremely difficult task. Remnants of Erica's mascara was smudged a little under her eyes, I don't ever recall seeing Arizona like that, except maybe when she cried but even then it was rare as she often opted to buy water proof mascara instead, she was very thorough about removing her make up and even if, for some reason, she had not taken it off, her panda eyes accentuated the blue of her iris' giving her a cute and cuddly effect. Even my pajamas, which Erica had often worn while we were together just didn't seem to fit, not in the literal sense, but they just looked out of place on her body now, she looked kind of frumpy to tell the truth, when Arizona wore my clothes she always looked so adorable in the oversized shirts which made her look five times smaller than she really was, like a perfect little doll.

I knew it was stupid to be pining for someone who had spelled out pretty loud and clear that she didn't want me, but it was so difficult to not let my mind wander, especially now, when another woman sat in my kitchen, sharing my breakfast. I felt slightly guilty when I noticed the happy smile playing across Erica's face, she sighed contentedly as she placed her glass of orange juice on the counter, looking at me with almost adoring eyes, and all I could think of was how much I wished she were someone else.

"So…" I began awkwardly, pulling my stool a little further away from her. "Did you sleep ok?"

"Like a rock." She smiled through a mouthful of pancake.

_Looks more like you slept ON a rock_. I thought to myself, trying to keep the grin off my face that threatened to break through at how humorous I found myself at this hour of the morning.

"Good." I smiled back at her, taking a sip of my own juice to stall while I attempted to think of anything to avoid an awkward, deep-feeling chat.

**Knock Knock Knock.**

I turned my head faster than was necessary at the offending sound coming from the blue door. Looking back at the clock for what felt like the 500th time this morning I was surprised to have a visitor, Mark usually didn't arrive for breakfast until at least eight. Rising from my seated position I moved towards the source, opening it cautiously, trying to buy myself some time to think of an excuse to not let my best friend in. I _really _didn't want him here before Erica left, he was mad at her for leaving and they never did get along very well to begin with; I knew their reunion would be far from pleasant and really didn't want to add to the already tense atmosphere.

Opening the door just the tiniest bit, I pushed my head through the crack. Before I could say anything, my breath caught in my throat, my mouth completely dried out and my surroundings seemed to disappear, leaving me alone with only one visual that I half assumed was some crazy hallucination or cruel dream. _Arizona._

Swallowing deeply, I tried to open my mouth and speak but words failed me. She smiled kindly at me, as though waiting for me to make the first move; when nothing happened she took a deep breath; I mirrored her actions, bracing myself, letting my grip on the door loosen and allowing it to open back slightly more. A cold sweat ran through me the instant it happened, remembering that Erica was still inside, I quickly squeezed through the small opening and closed out the door behind me; sighing with relief as Arizona went to talk, seemingly oblivious to what she could have potentially witnessed beyond the blue frame.

All of this seemed to drag out for minutes in my mind, but as soon as I heard her voice, I was drawn fully back to reality and realised the happenings had all occurred within seconds.

"Okay, so I'm in Africa and everything's great and the people are so nice and the clinic is amazing and I'm doing work that actually _feels _important, like I can actually _see _that I'm making a difference, but I'm _crying_, like, constantly, and then this guy that I worked with at the clinic finally asked me what's wrong and I say that I miss my _girlfriend, _like, like I _really _miss her, so then he asks me if I wanna go back, if they could replace me and, and then I open my mouth to say no but what comes out, weirdly, instead is, yes." Her voice has started to break and I can see the tears threatening to fall, I had been trying to avoid looking at her, knowing that seeing her like this would destroy all my resolve, but from the moment she said '_girlfriend_'', I just couldn't look anywhere else. "And so they did, and then I came back." She paused her speech to catch a breath, examining my face as though it were a long lost treasure, before speaking again, "You look really pretty."

I stared at her, remaining silent, entirely lost for what to say. Here before me, stood the woman who had plagued my mind for weeks, the woman, who only a little while ago, I had wished were sitting across from me, enjoying the delicious pancakes I had cooked _just _for her, which, I felt slightly embarrassed to admit, I _had_, cinnamon pancakes were Arizona's favourite; I had no clue how to react to her sudden re-appearance.

She looked deep into my eyes, staring at my soul, as if willing me to speak.

"Arizona." I finally managed through a choked whisper.

She didn't wait for me to get any further before closing the space between us and crashing her lips against mine. It caused an almost numbing sensation to rip through my body, a sensation I thought I would never feel again, this woman literally had the ability to take my breath away. I ran my tongue along the parting of her lips, melting into her embrace even more as she granted me entry, our tongues moved together fluidly, like lost partners falling back into an old routine; she tasted _sensational, _no distinct flavour, just, _Arizona._

"CALLIE? WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE SYRUP?" A voice called from behind the wooden entrance. I cursed silently to myself, shutting my eyes when contact with my stunning blonde was lost, I had _completely _forgotten about Erica. _Damn it!_

I stared into Arizona's face, silently pleading and apologising.

"Callie… who is that?" She asked, clearly trying to repress the whirlwind of emotions that her expression gave away.

I didn't answer and so she instead barged past me, deciding to find out for herself.

I exhaled heavily before turning to follow her inside.

"Dr. Robbins." Erica said in a rather high pitched tone. "What an unexpected surprise."

"Likewise." Arizona spoke through gritted teeth.

"Have you come to join us for breakfast?" The older blonde spoke again, obviously confused by Arizona's presence, especially considering, while we together, Arizona had never called to the apartment unless as part of a group and even then, it was rare.

I could see Arizona swallow bitterly back and shake her head in the negative. "No…" She whispered before sufficiently composing herself and speaking louder, "No, I was just leaving."

Erica's face was contorted in puzzlement, her brow furrowed, eyeing the woman between us like she was insane. "Eh, ok, good bye Arizona."

The blonde turned to stare at me, nothing but sadness in her big, blue, childlike eyes, she looked defeated, so broken, vulnerable, questioning.

"Goodbye Erica."

My heart sank at her departing words before brushing swiftly past me and out the door.

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**A/N 2: My apologies for my overkill of author's notes, when I know it's unlikely people actually care about them too much, but I just wanted to let you know, for anyone that was asking, I am planning to update my other stories tomorrow! I figure by ACTUALLY promising it here, it'll light the fire under me that I need to get going! so by tomorrow tonight I hope to, _no, _I _WILL_, have updated Brand New Eyes, Two Week Retreat and All The World is A Stage :) OH and just incase anyone has any fears about Arizona running back to Africa, I will tell you here and now, Africa is out of my fanfiction picture... for the foreseeable future anyway, god knows what could happen with my madness;)(too soon to joke?)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Okay, so the weekend kind of got away from me and I'm faced with a busy two weeks, but I'm hoping to push through regardless with updating stories where I can. For this chapter, I had wanted to tell it through Arizona's point of view, which I did, but I had a COMPLETELY different idea in my head of where I wanted it to go, however, when I actually sat down to write it, this came out. **

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As soon as I was within the safe confines of the elevator I lost it, the tears I had been working so hard to hold back, broke free, I slumped half way to the ground, holding myself up only by the thin railing that ran around the inside of the space. The ride was short but felt endless; I couldn't breath, I was suffocating in this building. As soon as I heard the familiar 'ding', signalling my stop, I bolted through the doors and out onto the street.

It was getting brighter but the day showed all the signs of being miserable, which suited my current emotional state perfectly; a light drizzle fell meekly around me, the slight breeze, chilling; I doubled over trying to catch some oxygen, it felt like someone had a tight hold on my chest, restricting the full use of all the internal organs it held. Cautious footsteps sounded as they approached behind me, I didn't turn to look, knowing full well who it would be and refusing to allow her to see me like this.

"Go away." I growled angrily, wiping vigorously at my tear stained face.

She remained silent, but took yet another careful step closer.

I rose into an upright position, finally thankful for the bitter breeze pricking at my cheeks, masking the redness caused by crying.

When nothing was said, she dared to edge nearer. I felt my body tense a little; my head told me to run, but my heart and legs had other ideas.

The immediate feeling that had stabbed right through me upon seeing Erica standing there, in _Callie's_ apartment, wearing _Callie's_ pajamas, was, devastation, not anger, the only person I was angry with was myself.

I knew I had turned my back on her, run away like a coward as soon as things got serious, I had treated Callie like she didn't even matter to me, like she was nothing; I had lied to her _and _to myself, she was _everything _to me. Every day and every night spent in Africa, she had invaded my every thought and dream without fail, I tried as hard as I could to forget, to shove her out of my mind like I had done my life, but I couldn't, I missed everything about her, her touch, her smell, her eyes and smile, the way she scrunches her brow whenever she's confused, _everything._ I had come across the world to be with her, but it was foolish of me to think she would have just been sitting at home pining for me, she was _hot_, people were lining up for her, I was lucky to even get a chance. That was partially the reason I had left.

From the moment I had met Calliope Torres, I was in awe, she was beautiful, talented and seemingly fearless, nothing seemed to faze her; she was a rock star, _but_, she had a girlfriend; so I silently pined for her, admiring her from afar, making sure to keep my distance so as to avoid doing anything stupid. Our group of colleagues were close knit; I didn't trust myself around her and I knew if I overstepped, the stir that that would cause among us all, so I made sure to only be around Calliope within a group. When she and Erica had finally broken up, I just couldn't resist any more, my inhibitions had flown, completely of their own accord, out the window on the night that I had followed her into that bathroom at Joe's, but I had grown so used to remaining detached, so used to pretending to see Callie as nothing but a friend, I didn't know how else to behave when things _actually _began going my way; I panicked, and in doing so, ruined the best opportunity I had ever been given.

"Arizona." She finally whispered, her voice desperate, pleading.

I turned to face her. It was time to stop running; I was raised to be a good man in a storm, not to run away from one. _I _had been the coward, not her, she faced her feelings, stood up to them, like I said, she was _fearless_. I want Callie, she's all I've wanted since I got here. It all seemed so clear now, like a huge weight lifted from every inch of me. Words failing me, I released a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding, waiting for her to speak.

"Girlfriend." She stated plainly.

"Huh?" was all I managed, surprised by her unexpected start to the conversation, and genuinely confused.

"Girlfriend." She repeated again, she was looking and talking to me, but seemed slightly distracted in thought. "_You _called _me_, your _girlfriend."_ She took another move closer to me so that now, we were only a small step apart.

The thoughtful look that had just recently played on her face had gone and she was now staring at me expectantly, her brown eyes bigger than I had ever seen them, a serious expression overtaking her every feature, before continuing, "So, I need to know…" She paused apprehensively, "am I your girlfriend?"

I stared at her in silence for a second, still surprised by the angle she had chosen, I had assumed she'd be defensive, angry, _anything,_ but I certainly hadn't expected this, her standing before me with a look of complete hope mixed with something I couldn't quite read.

Smiling slightly, I nodded my head, a nervous laugh escaping. "Yeah." Suddenly remembering, my expression became sombre. "Well, I… I kind of thought we were, but then- … well, I guess maybe… I guess your with Erica now." I acknowledged sadly, gesturing with my eyes to the apartment above.

She didn't follow my gaze, just shook her head, her eyes staying firmly glued to mine. "You left. You just, left."

Her tone wasn't in any way bitter, it was pained and I hated it, hated that I had caused it. But I knew what I had to do, I had done enough running away and cowering, it was time to fight for what I wanted, time to prove to Callie that I was worthy of her love. Taking in a deep breath.

"I've loved you from the first time I saw you. You're amazing, strong and honourable. But when we got together, I was _so _scared of the way I felt, of the hold I knew you could have over me if I let you in. You could _ruin_ my life." I could feel my voice beginning to shake, but I had to push through. "I love you, more than, _anything, _and that scares the hell out of me, but as much as that scares me, the thought of spending another second without you is a million times more terrifying. And I know, I run." I shamefully admitted, "When things get hard, I- I run away; maybe it's because I grew up an army brat and we moved every 18 months, maybe I never _learned _to commit, but I'm _here _now and I'm staying and I'm gonna fight to make sure that you know I'm committed to this."

I dared to move, to take the closing step between us, but she held her hand up in protest, ceasing my actions; I felt my heart plummet with disappointment.

"No! Arizona." She spoke softly, searching my eyes, for what, I don't know, just, searching. "Don't take another step, unless you truly mean what you've just said, because, if you come any closer… I'm never letting you go."

I sighed with relief, tears brimming to the surface, I smiled through quivering lips, taking the final step to close the gap between us, capturing her full lips in mine, savouring the flavour as if I were tasting her for the first time, in a weird way, I guess I was, this was the first honest kiss we'd share and I wanted to remember ever minute of it. The previously light rain had become more insistent, beating heavily around us, but we paid it no attention, hugging each other closer, partially for warmth against the shrill wind, partially because we couldn't get _nearly _close enough to one another. She brought her hands up to tangle in my soaking locks; I mirrored her actions, bringing my hands up to her hair but instantly moving them to cup her cheeks.

When oxygen became absolutely necessary, we reluctantly broke apart, leaning our foreheads against one another, breathing heavy and ragged. She spoke first,

"I missed you."

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**A/N 2: I'm not really sure how I feel about it, in a way I kind of like it, in another, I feel it contradicts what I've said before about not wanting this story to come to an end, don't worry, this is not the end! But it feels kind of like we're not far off it, dontcha think? This could possibly be because I've got an idea for a sequel to this story, which will contain much more fluffy Calzona times than this, of course, I'll only do it if people want to see it? Anyway, getting back on topic... as I said above, I had a whole other direction I was gonna take this chapter, and I'm sorry if it seems like I've rushed things by doing it this way. I generally just go with what pops into my brain while I write. If there's anything you guys would like me to clear up, just let me know, as I've also said, I'm not quite done with this JUST yet ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: As usual I am sorry for the delay... The sun finally decided to show it's face and where I live, you don't ignore the sunshine, then college and work got in the way followed by a serious case of writer's block. Can't say I adore this chapter, and it's doubtful you guys will love it either, but I had to put it in... also, seeing as how I've more or less decided to write a sequel to this, plus the other story that's nagging on my brain, I think this will be the penultimate chapter of this story. On a different note, I'm thinking of changing my username, just thought I'd give the heads up before I do so, so you guys won't think someone's after ripping off my stories ;) ha ...**

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I walked solemnly into my apartment, Erica was sat at the breakfast bar, reading the back of a cereal box, the sound of the door clicking shut catching her attention. She looked at me curiously, this wasn't going to be easy, hell, I could barely make sense of any of it, but that's exactly it, none of it made any sense, I was running on pure instinct and slightly insane intuition.

"What was that all about?" She finally broke the silence, nodding her head at me, her tone wasn't angry or hurt, she genuinely seemed oblivious to what had just transpired; I won't lie, I found this strange, Erica had always been eerily perceptive.

"I- uh…" I really hadn't given the slightest thought as to what I was going to say to her, I felt almost guilty, I know technically, out of the three of us, I haven't exactly done anything wrong but I still couldn't help but feel that by asking her to stay over last night, that I had maybe led her on, regardless of the fact nothing romantic happened between us, it was still an olive branch extended by yours truly. "We need to talk."

She walked cautiously to the couch, keeping a suspicious, questioning eye on me the whole time. "Callie, what's going on?" She asked, taking my hand in hers as I sat to her right.

"You left." I stated plainly. "You just left, you didn't look back, you made no effort to contact me, you left me feeling like I was nothing. Like I didn't matter."

I could see the pain and remorse etch onto her face, she moved to speak but I rose my hand in the air to silence her.

"No. Let me finish, please?" She nodded. "You left and I-I wasn't looking for another relationship, I was broken. But then Arizona and I-"

"You two are-?" She cut across me but stopped short at the look I gave her. "Sorry." She whispered.

"Yes. Well, no. We… I'm not really sure what we were - are… she left before we could figure anything out. What I'm trying to say is that, you left, and I didn't think I could be happy but then Arizona came into my life and I realised that healing was possible, that I could make it through the loneliness and heartbreak. Asking you to stay last night was a mistake, and I know nothing happened, but still, it left a suggestion that something_ could _happen and I shouldn't have initiated that. It wasn't fair, to you _or _to me."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I guess… I was lonely." I dropped my eyes to my feet, I had always portrayed such an outward hardcore persona that I was a little ashamed by how weak I could be when it came to being alone, I hated it. "I know that was selfish of me, but I'm just so tired of people walking away…"

She moved her hand to my chin and delicately pulled my face up so that our eyes met once again. "I won't make the same mistake twice. It's not too late for us Callie."

I stared deep into her eyes, which emphasized her words with the truth that lay there. I shook my head, my features softening as I prepared for her reaction to what I was about to say. "That's just it, it is too late. Erica, I'm not in love with you anymore. I got _over _you."

She nodded her head and pursed her lips. "And Robbins? I mean, she walked away from you too, but you ran after her like a puppy just now."

I released a heavy sigh, throwing my eyes to the sky before returning my gaze to her. "I know. And I wish I had an answer for you Erica, I really do, but I don't. They way I feel about Arizona, I just…" I was literally at a loss for words, how could I explain to someone else, something I didn't understand myself? So I tried, with only honesty and vulnerability on my side. "I'm in love with her." I saw a flash of hurt cross over Erica's features, but she quickly masked it with a look of indifference. "I don't know what's going to happen between us and obviously I'm mad at her for leaving… but, I have allowed people to walk away from me too many times. I'm in love with her, and I know I should be unbelievably mad at her, and deep down, I am, but, not as much as I should be, and that, I can't explain. I just think I owe it to myself to make this decision and if it blows up in my face, well, I'll have no one to blame but myself. It's crazy, I get that, but I'm sick of always being the one to play it safe. I'm not going to let Arizona just walk back into my life and forget she ever left it, but, I'm also not going to let her just walk away again, I'm going to try, take it day by day. Erica, with you, we had our chance and we just, weren't meant to be. Arizona and I never really got to get off the ground, and maybe it's because she's got some warped sense of commitment or because I pushed or rushed things too fast, but I think I owe it to myself to have the time to explore my feelings, to take this risk."

She stared at me with an unreadable expression, nodding her head so slightly I wasn't even sure she was aware she was doing it. "Some way to start out a relationship." Although her words were slightly scoffed, there was no harshness. Her face became serious again. "You really think you two could be good together?"

She looked more vulnerable than I had ever seen her; I thought momentarily about altering the truth to spare her feelings, but I don't like liers and I certainly don't plan on becoming one, so I nodded in confirmation as realisation hit me.

"I think we could be _great _together."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Ok, I broke all my promises about a speedy update last week, but, with good reason, initially I did have every intention of updating more last weekend, but then the eurovision happened and the competitive lady in me got bitter that we didn't win, coupled with a crappy day of work on Sunday, made for an over all, bad mood weekend, and I knew if I had written anything it would have been annoyed and angry and that would never have done. But here it is, the (possibly) final chapter. I say that loosely because I do have an idea for one more chapter to sort of, lead into the sequel, but while I mull over that, I'll be updating my other stories and also have a new idea or two up my sleeve ;) Thank you all so much for sticking with this story and for constantly taking the time to review/favourite/add to your alerts. (I only say this, just in case it is the end of this story) I hope you guys liked it for the most part :)**

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Erica had not stayed long after our talk, she gathered her things together and we bid amicable fair wells, it felt good to finally get some closure, I mean, I had thought I had long since gotten over Erica, but I guess I never really could with so much having been left unsaid. Thinking about in now, in the clarity of daylight, the only reason I had really asked her to stay the night, was because I was just so tired of being alone and abandoned. Erica and I never had a big blow out break up, she simply, disappeared; finally getting everything out there felt like a weight, that I hadn't realised I'd been carrying, was lifted from my shoulders. Although we agreed to be friends, we also agreed that any kind of relationship between us would work better from a distance, she returned to Chicago where she had been staying since she left the first time; she didn't have any reasons left to stay.

I sat alone in my living room, staring at my reflection in the tv set, while listening to the rain beat a soothing rhythm on the window, when a delicate knock, pulled me from my musings. I felt the butterflies begin to flutter in my stomach, I knew who it was before I even removed myself my the couch, I rarely get visitors, especially since Cristina went to live with Owen, now there's no need for Meredith or the other residents to stop by; the only person who ever called for me was Mark and he rarely, if ever, knocked.

I opened the door with some caution, I hadn't anticipated her to come back so soon and hadn't yet given any thought to how I wanted this inevitable conversation to go. I was still mad at her, that's for sure, but I also melted into a puddle whenever she so much as looked at me, so I was left in a bit of a predicament, playing hot and cold and sending out mixed signals was definitely not how I wanted to play this.

I stood to the side to allow her enter the apartment. Seconds, that felt like hours, passed without a word, just burningly intense eye contact. God she was beautiful, her blonde hair fell straight, reaching just below her shoulders, her eyes were slightly red and puffy but they still popped, the brightest shade of blue, and her cream coloured trench coat was lightly marked by raindrops. Staring at her now, I knew I could spend the rest of my life doing just that, admiring her.

"Why?" I finally broke the silence, surprising, even myself, with the conviction in my tone.

For the first moment since she walked in the room, she shifted her gaze, now looking down at her fidgeting hands.

"I had a whole speech planned." She looked up at me briefly, her blue orbs, pained. "I rehearsed it over and over in my head, the entire flight home. But then-" She paused again, closing her eyes and gulping back the lump in her throat that was causing her voice to tremble ever so slightly. "Then I got here and Erica was there and- I just… I thought I missed my chance."

She shook her head as I opened my mouth to speak, indicating that if she didn't get it all out now, she'd lose her nerve.

"Calliope, from the first moment I met you, I knew my life would never be the same, you're everything I've ever wanted, and more, as cheesy as it sounds." She added when she heard a small giggle escape my mouth, giggling along with me, then quickly composing herself again. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is, loving someone, and having to see them in someone else's arms?" I knew it wasn't a question I was expected to answer; so remained silent. "Every time I saw you with Erica, it was like a thousand knives plunging straight into my heart, and what made it worse is that you looked so happy. I wanted you, so badly, but more than that, I wanted _you _to be happy and I knew that I had to shut down my feelings if I were to have any hope of having you in my life in some way, because getting to be a part of your day, even if it was just a 'hello' in the morning, was a greater existence to not being around you at all. But the more I got to know you, the harder it became. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met, Calliope." I knew my resolve was crumbling with every word she spoke, but I couldn't help it, she was so adorably awkward. "I got so used to repressing my feelings for you, that I panicked when my chance finally came around. I knew you were the one person who could ruin my life and I got scared. I was terrified to let you in because I was so used to keeping you at a distance, I didn't know how to properly express my emotions, there was so much I wanted to say to you, but I was afraid." She broke eye contact again and went back to looking at her hands. "We didn't talk about feelings growing up, it's not something I like to do; it's not something I do well, but the risk of losing you forever, is a million times more frightening than addressing my feelings. I can't let you slip away from me, Callie, I just can't, because I can't bear the thought of seeing you with anyone else." She took a deep breath then locked eyes with me once more. "I am, _so_, in love with you, and I will spend the rest of my life telling you that. I was an idiot but I can _promise _you, I won't ever let my fears get in the way again, each day away from you gets harder and more frustrating and I just- I feel lost when I'm not with you. Please, forgive me?" Her voice cracked with her final words and she looked at me with such a desperate, pleading stare, I felt my heart break all over again.

There were no words I felt could express the magnitude of all the emotions swirling around me in this moment.

I strode across the room, closing the distance between our bodies, pausing just before our lips met, I could feel the warmth of her breath against my skin, sending goosebumps right up my spine, inhaling her scent, I memorised of every detail of this moment.

"I love you." I whispered against her mouth, before closing the last remaining space between us.

It wasn't rushed or sloppy, it was slow and chaste and… perfect.

Everything seemed so right, like no time at all had passed. There were still issues that needed to be addressed, and it would still be some time before I could really trust her again, but in this moment, I finally felt like I was where I belonged.

Breaking away from the kiss I looked deep into her ocean blue eyes.

"If you _ever _run away like that again, I'll kick the crap out of you." I teased, earning an amused chuckle from the smaller woman in my arms, before placing a last, delicate kiss on her forehead.


End file.
